That Question : from Tigers point of view

July, 2014

My feeling towards Ruchit had always been complex. There are relations better not described, not for the fact that you are embarrassed about them, but mostly because words could never do justice towards them. So after all the crap, and I do mean the word, that had transpired between us; from the events that took in college, the boil up and eruption on Fartu's  marriage eve, his not wanting to talk for about couple of years , then his finally coming to sense ironically on the fools day and then foolishness on my part to not invite him to my engagement and ultimately some shoddy patch up that Duke conjured between us, Ruchit invited me to his home.

I was surprised to receive his call, Inviting me to his home on the first Saturday of July to his home for dinner and stay.  I was worried of his intentions though, as at least for me, he never does anything without reason. His birthday on Sunday was a good reason, but Inviting me to his house, without listing who else would be there looked fishy. 

Nevertheless, I obliged and as usual he came to receive me at the station. He looked his usual irony marred self with those sarcastic eyes, that even crime master Gogo would have been proud of to keep. He stayed with his family in a government quarter with colony a good 10 kms from the station. I remembered that there was a beach somewhere near his house, about a couple of miles I guess. So it took us another twenty minutes with his turtle speed driving to reach his home. After the tea, in his room, I expected him to say why he wanted me to come. After a wait, which made me nervous as well as bit curious, I directly asked him. 

'Not here bro, not here' He said, just before deflecting and changing the topic. After dinner, he said lets go to the beach. His mom cautioned us, but we still went ahead. We chatted about random stuff from Akbar to Modi, from some Meteorology to his recent admission for PhD, from his funny antics during our college year to his Pushpak year, the point where he went serious, and the point where we reached the beach. 

It so happened that during those Pushpak years, where he claimed to not talk with any of us, he ended up having a chat with most of the guys from the group. Nobody would accept that they had chat with him, but somehow everyone knew what was going in his life. I had a pretty much good idea that he was gay, and he knew it and he had accepted it. I also had a hint of doubt that he had crush on me, people thought it was just another sidekick superhero relation back then, but now the picture was a bit clear, at least for me. Someone was dumb enough to let it slip about his attempt to end his life with sip of baygon, but we just laughed it saying he would rather kill others than take his life. It grieved me, and I distinctly remember thinking about it on my toilet seat with my wife inquiring if I was alright and why was I taking so much time. But the as I told ya, the emotion is like the 'malai' in coconut, you cant judge from outside and when you try to break open you get water, you cant judge the malai with coconut water, its like the things we tell to hide our emotions, like something to protect our real emotions. To tell these emotion, its difficult. 

So here we were, late in the night, on a deserted and silent beach, without any lights, the sound of wave breaking and insect to keep our silence intensified, he finally spoke.

'I know lot has transpired, just don't interrupt, let me speak.' His voice was masked, like he was trying to hide some emotion. swallowing his spit he continued, ' Our definition of friend has always been different, I'm not accusing you or something, just listen'.

I urged him to carry on. We had lots and lots of debate on this friend issue. He always was 'friends are family' and shit. He always expected a lot more from friends. I had other consideration too. Sometimes you have some experiences which makes you behave in a certain way. I had taken a lot of bad decisions, and I'm not proud, but I could never be the friend that you could always turn to when in need. 

'I hope we at least agree that friend comes as a package, you have to accept his negative aspects along with what you like in him. So what I mean is that, I dont want you to break our friendship on the basis of what I'm going to ask you.'

'fair enough.' I said.

He was looking at sea, I was waiting for him to speak, the waves were now lashing on the shore with more vigor than when we came. He broke the synchronous wave noise by saying, 'wait here, I'd be back in a minute.'

When he came back, he had a flash light with him. In his other hand he had a plastic bag, evidently taken out from his Activa dickey. He placed the flashlight on sand to take out two glasses, a big mouthed thermos flask. I expected him to pour tea from the flask, but to my surprise, he poured a few ice cubes in the glasses and then preceded to remove a bottle of whiskey from the bag.

'I don't think, I could ask you with me sober.' He tried to explain his actions, and then like most occasion his sharp tongue game me a shot of hard truth as he added, 'but then again, I dont think you could answer me honestly being sober yourself.'

I was falling short of words to say to him. I even considered calling this off. The whole thing was intense, and on the rocks scotch in a dark breezy night on a beach was magnifying the quantity of all wrong hormones in my body. After a few pegs, with my mind fuzzy, I could not help myself but to urge him to be honest with me and ask what all this was for. I was not even in slightest possible way of what he could ask, but the agony of anticipation was fueling my apprehension to heights and I wanted this to end.

'Promise me you won't break friendship over this.' he said, giving his hand for me to hold. 

' I won't.' I squeezed his hand. 

'Actually, breaking friend ship is secondary.' he chuckled, ' I', more afraid that you would hit me.'

with a short Nana Patekar laugh, he said ' jus don't create a scene at my home dude.' 

He poured us another peg, gulped down his waited for me to follow him and when I finished mine. He asked, 'Tiger bro, Melody itni chocolaty kyu hoti hai?' 

If It aint happy, It aint End (Added Part: VI)

A man is known by company he keeps. The most talented archer, a disciple of Parshurama, benevolent  son of Surya dev and Kunti devi, Karna is notorious for fighting with Duroyadhan. Was Duroyadhan right or wrong is another question, but was life of Karna, a devoted husband, a kind father, a loving brother, a dutiful son, a noble ruler and a very farsighted Intellect, a failure ?

The death of Karna is in itself a big conspiracy. According to the available literature, The knowledge of using Divysastra abandoned him when he really needs due to curse of lord Parshurama, the curse itself can be called irrational given the fact that though Karna was guilty as charged, he was a victim of the incident in itself. The impermeable skin and the self-illuminating earring were generously donated by Karna to a apprehensive father of Arjun, when Indra disguised as a brahmin asked for them.  The doubt of Arjun superiority was planted in mind of karna by Shalya, who praised Arjun on Shri Krishnas' request. This doubt coupled with a pair of curse from a brahmin whoes cow was accidently killed by Karna and Bhoomidevi (mother earth), who misunderstood Karnas' generosity as a sarcasm to mock less-fortunate peoples, contributed largely when, wheel of Karnas'  chariot got struck in the mud.   Even in presence of above conditions, triumph of Karna over Arjun was averted by superior steering ability of chariot by Shri Krishna when he lowered the chariot so that nagastra just missed Arjuns temple (the chariot was saved only on account of presence of Vasudev, after the end of day when the 8th Incarnation of lord Vishnu alighted the chariot, it burst in flames). Expecting a lion not to eat you just because you are vegetarian is how the end of Karna can be summarized. Karna who spared Arjuns life just a day before just to abid by the laws of war latter decapitated by Arjun who shattered several laws in the process.

The only lesson the whole episode of Karna teaches us that it does not matter what reputation you earn, what matters is the character that never tarnished. A very wisely put statement by Chanakya very clearly differentiates between the two, Reputation is what people think of you, while Character is what you are, a bad reputation never kills, but a tarnished character leads to doom.

After 2 years 1 month and 22 days, or in other words 784 days after a wait of over 67,737,600 seconds  in the duration between Fartu's marriage and Tigers engagement, and thousand different statement  by Duke meaning 'please sort all the issue, I cannot bear to be part with either you or them, if not for them do it for me' and like all 'do it for me' statement this one too landed me jeopardy.

I was not completely isolated from the group, every now and then someone would call and I would be updated. The new year day of modified Julian calendar and day half a dozen month subsequent to it, were my usual days to  get in touch with my friends. This exercise, served me multiple purposes, primary being it was a show of ill-existent ego that was evident by the fact that I did called everyone irrespective of their attitude towards me, secondarily it helped me forget the fact that I really was cut-off from the rest of the group. Tertiarily it kept my self-respect when, if commented, by someone the significance of date, could be used to give a 180 degree turn, to my intentions. The other advantages were there, but were largely related to a set of group rather than the whole demographic of my contact list.  The task at hand was now to make every Individual realize that, 'I'm in touch with you is a secret' is Juvenile and need of growing up is call of the hour.

The wheel of time gave me fortnight to make things clear, clear like the vodka I drank with a few. The stage of getting things right with scotty was set a good month back when suddenly we had a communication for no reason. The small emojis turned to messages on whatsapp, and then became voice call. I accused Scotty of not being straight, and accepted my gay orientation. My dark BDSM fantasies were his and then suddenly he pulled out. The online or long distance relation between me and Scotty went through a series of ups and downs before he, on my invitation came to my area for a bike trip. The whole point of this trip was to make things clear and tell him that, like my heart, I would like to keep my activity transparent too.

I went to receive him on station, I was a bit late, and he was waiting for me. When I reached railway station, the existing  traffic aggravated by potholes and rain made me park my bike towards the southern exit to the west side of station. I took my phone to inform him about the new meeting place and found no network in my cell. Though I dont profess using outdated technology, but cost of new equivalent Android phone is high and my Symbian cell is not that bad when it comes to a stable network. I tried searching for network manually and my when my phone was searching for network, my eyes scanned the horizon for  Scotty. I never bothered to check if my phone found the network, I saw Scotty standing at the main entrance to station. He wore a dark blue shirt over a faded denim jeans. He was busy listening to someone on his phone, I remembered how he was the guy with the least featured phone and now he was using advance android phone. I wondered if he could really operate it. His walk while you talk brought me in his line of sight. He smiled, waved and came near me. He was still listening on phone, and the way he ended it, it was evident that he was talking to crow. 'crow' was yet another girl in our group, apart from 'susi'. True to the original concept by Bill Watterson, there is mutual affinity between Tiger and Susi, similar could be said between Scotty and Crow. It was my fear that Scotty was more than just friendly with Crow, It would not come as a surprise to me if in future my sexual orientation, right to the fact that I suspected a pansexual feeling was always known to her. The comic situation latter in conversation with Scotty arise when he said how Susi was found to be a vamp, I laughed, he thought I was happy that he abused Susi, but the laugh was from the heart given the fact that same statement was quoted by Tiger a few days before for Crow. As he sat behind, I was thinking how to describe the  goatee he was sporting, it was a combination of chin strip and goatee, though It made him look macho, a experienced eye like me could strip the mask easily. The trip was without much talk, a turn down for me. I had expected him to show courtesy enough to enquire about me, but as usual my expectation were better kept to myself. The only conversation we had was how he brought his 'S3' with his own money, how everyday he would eat curd worth a Sterling Pound, how he wore a 2£ underwear, how he went to gym, how he now tried living life like an adventure little could he understand that thatz how everyone lived their life. Duke, Fartu and I always had lot of fun, this fun was what he lacked, hmmmm, may be.

It would be runt thing to describe our trip, but towards end, riding in rain and wind had frozen my hands and it was difficult to ride. I was so cold that when we reached his farm house my jersey was dripping wet and it took me just seconds to strip to my undies. There was no towel, I searched for dry cloth and found none. Finally I dried myself using the bed sheet, The bed sheet had a bad odor, it smelled of the dust and moisture very often found in closed room. I slept on the bed, face down, rubbing my palms to mattress to dry them. Overlong exposure to water had made my fingers soggy. I lied there absorbing the heat from mattress.

"Dont sleep that like that, I will end up Buggering you"

I looked up, found Scotty, he had lost his shirt, but was roaming around in  drenched jeans, the waist band of his underwear sticking out, his shoes making the flooring dirty. I refrained from commenting and he did not pressed the matter further. This was the scene throughout  the journey, either he abused me, or praised me, tried pressing my nipples or moving his fingers over my crotch, and I refrained from commenting or complementing his activity. Though I did tell him a couple of times about him being gay, but thats nothing unusual coming from me.

"I'm wet, desperately wet", I took efforts to look up again, he had lost his boots and jeans and now was vigorously wiping his head with ragged bed sheet.

"you have gone fat" I commented. It was a casual comment, nothing sinister about it, but he was so upset that I felt bad for blurting out. I could see Duke before my eyes and his words echoed in my ears 'your sharp tongue has pierced everyone like an arrow, and it has reduced your relations with other from comical to pathetic ! ' And then I had to bear another hour of his 'Am I Really Fat' gig. If I had have been straight, and on top of it have had had a girlfriend, I would have been more comfortable at handling 'Am I fat' scenario  and all I did was make it worse by getting up and actually grabbing the fat. When he finally settled, I saw that he had the worst ever colour of underpants 'purple' let alone the colour, it sported a grey waistband, the brand mane on waist band matched the colour of underpants and even a lot of eye straining on my part could not tell me what brand it belonged to. A lot of people judge a man by his shoes, I judge them by underwear they wear. The first impression was of road side hawker Jokey underwear, but latter a close look told me it to be a 'Lonsdale'. I wanted to ask him, as I had pre-decided if he had explained our relation to anyone, I just wanted to make the position clear from Tigers point of view as, he was the only one who could get affected by Scotty. I opened my mouth to ask, but a slight moan left it as he moved his nails over my body. It took me a bit time to realize he was trying to seduce me. I made feeble efforts to plead him not to, but he continued and with every touch was able to make me shiver. A he moved his fingers from back to belly, from belly to chest, a few rounds around my nipples as he moved to my neck. He kept doing this and I kept fighting against my body. My mind raced me back to the era of my depression, I felt my heart getting squeezed, a cloud of sadness covered the new ray of hope that had built in my mind. I moved and cuddled him. my face was on his chest, mouth near his nipples, his heart beating in my ear.  I do not know how long we were in that position.  I was in state of trance, my train of thought wondering from how abuses I had received at his hands, from the mouth of Tiger, some abuses I had imagined, few insight at what others usually talked behind my back to  mixed tension of being jobless, about the unknown future, and then just darkness. Darkness filled with negativity, complimented by Scotty's beating heart. Tears started forming in my eyes.

'Whats the time ?', He enquired.

This brought me back to my senses. There was still more than two hours before we needed to move. He started where he had left, moving his fingers over my torso, the new position enabled him access to my ass. He concentrated over the area near waist band of my underwear, more moans escaped my mouth, as I buckled in the sensation. The little devil in my crotch tingled, he realized that he had me excited, his tempo increased and much to my disappointment, I found my hands moving over his naked torso. My clumsy hand reached his cock, I lowered his ill-coloured underwear to revel his semi hard dick. I started masturbating him. First with whole palm, latter with just two fingers. slowly, then fast, then again reducing the tempo, just to make him wanting I would plant a kiss on his ear lobe of nipple, but my hand kept working.

Human mind is a curious thing, just moments ago I was sad, before that I was determined, I was happy and now I was horny. My focus was now entirely on moving his dick, my Index finger and thumb moving on his dick in fluid motion. His foreskin stretched when my finger went down his shaft. As finger went up, it encompassed the dick head. I kept moving up and down , up and down ..... up and down.  My subconscious mind drifted from the erect dick to, abstract from abstract to painting I had seen last time I had visited Salarjung museum. It finally settled to a conversation I had with one of my friends, It was his birthday and we were all stoned, his stories about conquest of girls were music to ears, we were all in the state of bliss when he was describing the first sex experience. half the details he said are lost to the vodka, but I remember him taking his dick out and presenting it for our Inspection. He was making a point that no one knows that its not just girl that bleeds, even guys have to experience pain. The foreskin gets pulled and even ruptures when you have sex for the first time, I looked at his dick, head all visible like one we see in porn. My subconscious mind, challenged my conscious part, how could Scotty have had sex, if his fore skin was intact and dick head not visible ?

'Are you enjoying it?'

He was looking at me. I never really recovered and as usual a found myself blurting out the truth.

'No'

'Please stop it, I don't want anybody's favor'  

That sting, I have no idea way but It did.

I got on my knees, positioned myself between his legs , pulled his underwear off and went down on him. He caught me as I reached near him.

'Don't kiss?'

That felt like a slap. Tight slap on my cheek.

He pushed my shoulders down. He wanted me to give him blow job. I stood my ground, he increased pressure on my shoulder,  I went down and kissed his chest. his nipples. His legs closed on me pushing my body on his. He pulled my upper part and gave me a tight hug.

I was devoid of emotions, a void existed in me, It was there since a long time but its existence what I felt then. Long ago when I was too young to understand things I had watched a movie titled chori chori, chupke chupke a salman starred movie where he hires a slut portrayed by Preeti Zienta to hold his child. In that movie when Salman first tells his intentions she says,

'sab kuch chalega, bus hoto ki chummi nahi milegi.'

It was hard for me to digest  a no kiss. What was I ? lower then a slut? so filthy that he wanted  no part of me around his mouth ? All my queries were dumped as put his fingers under waist band of my undies, pulled it wide and let it crash. I replied by inserting my tongue in his belly button, while his dick was getting a massage by my chin. I never knew if he liked or disliked it, he just turned and now his back and ass were exposed.

'massage my back.',

 It was more of an order than request and I obliged. My hands were soft for his muscular back. All the  trapezius muscle and  latissimus dorsi  were too developed to be pressed by me. I went down and started playing with his ass cheeks.  I could see goose bumps on his ass cheeks as I brushed my finger over them, the gentler I was, hornier he got.  The last stroke between his ass cheek was the final nail in coffin. He got up, pushed me on my back, sat on my chest and without waiting for my node plunged his dick in my mouth. I tried resisting but my attempt was winked and kissed upon as his dick touched my throat. he tried numerous strokes. sometimes a rapid gush in gush out, sometimes a slow but rhythmic fucking of my face, sometime he would hold his dick head just at my lips and to his pleasure I would lick the tip with my tongue, sometime he would hold with his dick deep inside my throat virtually chocking me. Then as if something got in him, he slapped me, a strong one on  my left cheek. I clasped my had at his sides. He removed his dick from my mouth completely and went rough on me firing slaps. He squeezed just above the lower Jaw end with his thumbs and fingers, I realized his physical strength, my mouth just opened in due to pressure and pain. He let go to give me another slap and the put his balls in my mouth.

'suck my balls , bitch!'

and I did. His hands tugging and pressing my nipples.

He Pulled his balls out of my mouth. The weird taste lingered in my mouth. He was now in mood to play. He positioned his dick just a few inch above my lips, like he wanted me to reach for it. He motivated me by more squeeze of my chest area and I like a wanting slut obliged.  I was now trapped in a emotio-physical battle inside my head, pleasure or resistance, finally an Image of me having sex in open with my dream guy appeared and I masturbated to it, I came in just few strokes and then slumped. With me slumped, too tired to move either my ass or jaw or hand, he got tired of me, he tried masturbating me but already oozed cum that had struck inside my foreskin fell. He masturbated himself and went to get clean. The sinister Idea of making him go home without underwear crossed my mind. I wore his underwear and went to clean myself. Much to my disappointment he had another pair, pink colour with a wierd waist band.

We moved, Rest was pretty anti-climax, anti-climax even for an anti-climax. He blocked my number both on call and whatsapp. I'm still in dilema if I should go and meet Tiger or not. Let's see, whatever happens, happens for good, and Its clear whatever the relation between me and Scotty its neither as pure as love nor even near a friendship. Friendship is a sweet responsibility, never an opportunity !

As I saw Scotty get into the train, I wondered why there are no conclusive ends to chapters of my story ? am I a bad writer ? or its how my life is ? before an old story could end, a new starts, the end of old story remains a free end? sometimes it continues from free end and sometimes an altogether new set of circumstances arise. In life i've had lot of experiences, good, bad and even ugly. But a fact thats as true as a rupee is, endings are always happy. If it  aint happy, it aint end.

W (h) ATER (Added Part II)

“Chutie aur Bavakuf mai dhage bhar ka farak hoai hai” only a true Indian can understand its meaning and if someone doesn’t maybe they should check their nationality.

It was a cool Monday morning, since I started drinking Mondays were usually ‘wet’. This time the ‘Barrels’ (the tag given to heavy drinkers) decided to visit a dam. The dam was good 30-40 Km from our College and a few kilometres walking distance from nearest Railway station. So we decided to take parcel from our Usual Wine shop. Due to coldness of environment we selected Rum and our pocket permitted only ‘Old Monk’. A few who were against rum went for Royal stag.

As we reached the destination railway station we noticed a beer shop there. A man was making “Bhujing” there. ‘Bhujing’ is a chicken dish made by roasting chicken over a hot coal. The flavour of the spices coated over it blending with the coal and Mud flavour and smell makes it too hot to resist. That’s what happened there; we flocked near the Bhujing Centre. The order of 3kgs was a big one and we had to wait half an hour for it. Some suggested that we have beer in that period and it was agreed upon.

This was the first time I was tasting beer. My apprehension was laughed by others. They said it was unheard of, a hard drinking person afraid of beer. In order to escape public ridicule I too agreed for half a bottle.

‘Sir the dam is three kilometres walking; you will need some while walking too’ the shop owner commented.

So a bottle per head of drinking member was agreed upon and it was decided that drinking will be done on the course of walking. The ‘Bhujing’ parcel was given to non drinking members as they were not required to carry a beer bottle. Since the Dam was nearest to Dukes house he was leading, I could read unrest on his face.

‘What’s with you?’

‘Aare, I should have never told you guys about this place’

‘What’s with that’

‘Aare, you won’t understand’

‘try me’

‘I don’t drink. My others friends also don’t drink. We have this dam as a very common spot. Sometimes adults from my colony come here, if they find you all drinking this is sure to reach my house. I would not be able to look in eyes of my parents again’

‘too late mate’

‘I know’

I was pulled back so that we could all take the first sip. I Looked at Tiger, he looked cool. Shiny Reebok shoes, a monkey wash jeans. He wore Hooded G.A.P tee shirt, his bag was hanging from his left shoulder and a bottle of kingfisher strong was in his right hand.

He was chewing a gum. He noticed me looking at him and winked.

‘Cigarette is missing’ I commented.

‘I refrain because girls don’t like to smooch after you had one’ He joked.

‘Good joke’ I applauded.

‘You don’t know me yet, I have a lots of girls fighting for me in my colony.’

‘Wow, I dint know there are so many blind girls in your colony.’

‘Are you?’

Phatak

My reply was stopped by smack on my butt by Scotty.

(Don’t read much into it... What happen between Scotty and me was years latter)

‘Huh?’

‘lets start drinking’

‘yep’

‘cheers’

‘cheers’

‘Cheers’

was the cry around.

I took my first sip of beer, it was Bitter. Bitter then any of other drinks that I had.

‘Try taking bigger sips’ Nicky advised.

We were walking. Being away from City the area was all cool and isolated. You could literally say that there were not even dogs on the road. It was just us walking, having horseplay, goofing around each other some of mate even broke into dance steps walking.

It was haven. I have always heard that beer seldom intoxicates you. But with me only half a bottle was having effect. I was happy, happier then I should have been. I knew something was wrong and yet I wanted to carry on. I took a big sip. ‘How far is the dam?’

‘Tired so early?’

‘Nopz, I wanna have bottoms up! Anybody game?’

‘Guys this is first time ruchu is asking for something lets finish our drinks’

every one was having at least a quarter off bottle left. I looked at mine it was more than a quarter.

‘The person failing gets Red ass’ declared fartu.

‘WATS that?’I was puzzled.

‘Try failing, you’d know’

‘on the count of three’

‘one’

‘two’

cheers
‘Three’cheers

“Cheers”

“cheers” every one replied as bottles collided with each other. I took bottle to my lips and tried drinking slowly so as not to gag myself and loose. When I finished I looked around every one was looking at me.

‘What?’

‘You were the last one to complete.’

‘So?’

‘You failed’

‘no way’ before I could protest someone caught my hand from behind. My legs were held and I was lifted above the ground.

Me getting RED ASS
dhapak...thuud ..the kicks landed on mu butt, back

‘ouch’ I cried

Suddenly my legs were pulled wide and my balls descended now left exposed.

‘Not my balls’ I cried

still one blow crashed on my ball.

‘AGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr’

I was lowered to ground. Everyone was bent laughing. I got up with sore back and hurt ass. I adjusted my clothes. The beer was making my head spin a bit. I was enjoying the pleasant emptiness that had filled my head. The pains on my balls seemed to have a very low effect on my mood. I looked up towards the sky. It was beautiful. Clear blue sky. No trace of cloud. The cool morning breeze was touching the skin and making it shiver. The golden rays of sun were soothing the skin with their warmness. I looked towards the sun. He seemed to be smiling from just behind the majestic mountain.

‘Look at the tip of mountain, it resembles a cock head.’

‘I was wondering why you were looking at it.’ Tiger chuckled.

‘I’d put this bottle in your ass.’ I tried to be mock angry.

‘Ho ho, I am scared! He he he.’

‘Where's your bottle?’

‘kept their, near the tree.’

‘and Duke let you do that?’

‘Do you seriously think he can control so many of us.’

‘nopz.’

‘do you keep asking me silly questions just because you like talking to me?’

‘why would I do that?’

‘don’t know, You act weird many times’

I put the bottle near the tree where others had put them

‘Bloody hypocrite!’

It was Dukes voice. I turned back to look at him.

The sunrays were making his black hairs shine. I was feeling a bit heavy at my legs and hands.

‘I don’t know about the rest but I feel grieved at heart seeing you spread litter around a country side. There is no use of bookish knowledge if you know no better than to keep your country clean......’

He said many things but most were not received by my brain. Sometimes I’m amazed by the processing of my brain. Even in this situation the brain knew the right answer to give to him.

‘Its better that we keep them here, we’ll pick them on our way to home and dump them in suitable garbage bin’

this was not the first time my brain had reacted in this way. Once in Mechanics lecture, The sleep demon had me in his clutches. I was feeling very sleepy partly due to nature of lecture and partly due to the timing and my full tummy just after the lunch. The amount of sleep that has accumulated in my eyes was making me blink every second. When my eyes were open I could see the professor and when my eyes were closed I could see myself in my room in front of PC (Dreaming). I thought I would somehow complete the lecture. I was fighting with my body to keep my eyes open.

‘Are you sleeping or listening?’

My eyes were closed, my body was slumped on the bench in a comfortable position. My head was resting neatly on back support. Yet my brain responded by saying

‘yes sir, I’m listening’

‘this is not the way to sit in the classroom’ the Professor had moved from the board and now was beaming towards me from end of Dias.

‘there are certain rules that should be followed once you are in classroom. No doubt that you all are not kids now. But this is a professional course, and you have to act like Engineers’

I was still in deep sleep. But the damage control department of my brain decided that it’s better to save the rest class from agony of this boring lecture and responded with a firm voice ‘Sorry Sir.’

It was enough to stop his lecture on behaviours and he continued his ‘Trusses’ with just ‘better not happen next time’.

History repeated today . Duke got pacified by my explanation and we continued towards dam.DAM The
entrance to dam was marshy and we had to jump from one brick or a dry spot to another. I was extreme cautious in making my jumps. I did not want to be subject of ridicule again for not being boy enough to get my footing right. I reached the firm ground and with a very ‘nothing much achieved’ attitude looked at the others.

Scotty was down towards the water.

'wats he doing down there?'

'because of your girlish walking you missed a Kodak slip by Scotty.' Tiger explained. 'we were expecting you to fall, but Scotty fell' he added.

We walked for another 15 minutes so as to reach an isolated spot. We sat on the rocks near the water. The beer effect was over and now it was turn for some Hard drinking.

Tiger was handsome, Tiger was cool. Tiger had a wonderful dressing sense and witty sense of Humour. Tiger had athletic body and could play many sports with ease and was expert in many. Tiger was a craze in girls too and teacher found him sincere too. Tiger had many friend and was famous among guys too. Tiger was expert trekker and sure member of all the parties and picnic that went around. Tiger was everything . but he couldn't swim. Not just that he was hydrophobic.

The area around the bank of dam backwater was relatively shallow . The hydrophilic members of our group were already in water

Duke went a bit further and marked the spot from where the water started being deep. the place where he was swimming was also good 6-7 ft. deep but acceptable for swimming for a armature swimmer to explore.

After a quarter of an hour of swimming session we were sitting on the rocks near the water bank.

a few had taken pains to neatly arrange all the bottles and the plastic cups.

Tiger was sitting o a rock clicking pictures of those who were still in.

'Why are you sitting outside?' Fartu asked Tiger.

'Aare, I forgot to bring my swimming trunk'

'swim in your underwear'

'my underwear is too tiny, you can see my pubic hairs coming out from it'

'why do you wear such a tiny underwear?' Nicky joined the fun.

'Because girls like it' he said with a grin. 'and a few fag's too'

there was a outburst of laughter. I was sure that the comment was directed at me. I did not dare to look up. the tension had caused my body to release pheromones. I could feel the heat on my neck and behind my ears. I kept myself busy by unpacking the glasses. I could feel the heat of stares on my back and in order to compensate my tension and act cool, I uncorked the bottle of Rum.

'today your Ruchi is in full form' Nicks commented, Without looking up I knew the comment was directed at Tiger.

And true to my prediction it was Tiger who answered

'maybe he forgot the rule' Tiger commented.

Then the realization of my mistake dawned upon me. I thought about acting innocent , But a mind said not to be sissy and accept the challenge. before I could shock everybody by accepting the challenge Nicky handed me the shot glass. This was my first time to try a full neat shot of Rum {for my non alcoholic friends, neat means without mixing ;) } and so my apprehension was predictable.

I know it sounds weird and may be would absurd to some peoples but I Thought about lord Hanuman to give me strength to finish the task. Thinking 'Jai Bajarangabali' I gulped the liquid in one fluid motion.

there was a strong gag sensation, the liquor tasted like a badly made Ayurvedic medicine and its smell was like burning rubber. It went burning my food pipe from my Throat to stomach. But bottom line was I did it.

'Ruchi, are you alright'

'nopez, nopez nopez' I said shaking my head vigorously.

'what, happen?' tiger was on edge of outburst of another laughing outburst and was beaming in my direction.

' m rocking'

I got up and stretched my hands, Reading my mind Duke and Fartu took position . Tiger realised the fishy position of our standing, but before he could slip we pounced upon him. Fartu if you have forgotten was captain of our college cricket team, 6'5" tall with broad shoulder and strength like a bull. He grasped Tiger from behind and kept him firm in his position. Nicks caught his legs which he was thrashing to get away from Fartu. Duke removed his tee, as I started unbuckling his belt. I looked up, our eyes met. There was a twinkle in his eyes, this usually meant my death, I too realised the trick position I was in, kneeling in front of him, Unbuttoning and unzipping his jeans to revel his Calvin Klein tiger's Undies
bikini style underwear.tiger's Undies black waistband bearing the
manufactures name and a red cloth covering his pubes and butts. I pulled his pants down completely. With coordination with Nicky who was holding his legs I was able to remove them completely. He was thrown in water as he kept hurling abuses at us.





He walked out of water shaking, Nicks started rubbing salt by singing 'samundar mai naha ke aur bhi namkin ho gayi ho.'

his CK was clinging to his penis and it looked considerably large which meant he was semi-erect as me. I just took a quick look at him so as not to get caught ogling him.

There was outburst of laughter as he got out of water. Sat on rock where and asked Nicks for a cigarette.

'oh ho' was all nick said while handing him the cigarette and a matchbox.

Tiger Smoking
Tiger took a puff and exhaled.Tiger Smoking

'not that way you poof.'

Tiger offered the cigarette to Nicky for guidance.

'Wrong again, that's not the way to offer, you offer holding it between thumb and fore finger

'yep that's right, see you are suppose to take the smoke in your lungs, spoil them and then release it, Notice the difference in thickness and colour of smoke'

After display of perfect smoking technique Nicky handed the stick back to Tiger so that he could continue. Nicky made drinks for everyone which meant we had to drink hard pegs. His idea of ideal peg was mixing equal percent Drink and soda and adding a bit water. Many a times there was more alcohol then soda. But it was law of land that if Nicky is around he would make the drinks. The spicy 'bhujing' with Rum was excellent combination in cool breeze an a dam with our bodies wet.

Many says that alcohol is much more intoxicating if your brain has supply of fresh air. I am not sure if it was that or The mere quantity of alcohol consumption but my body was definitely feeling heavy and my head light. There was a renewed enthusiasm in me. For the third peg it was decided we drink neat. Neat meant high rate of intoxication.

I don't know even now how much sissy or fool or stupid my friends took me to. Sometime I'm not even sure how much I am, But I was definitely wise that they were waiting for me to get drunk and revel my inner secret. That's what they did with Scotty a few months back when I was designated non-drinker.



What my inner secret are? That would be another question that would make me write thousands of pages. Apart from my orientation there are a few personal problems that my 'self respect' won't let me divulge that information even here. Wow m so hypocrite or just being intelligent may be. But bottom line was that I did not want to spill the bean on myself. Or 'fucking my own ass' would be a better representation of the after mirth of me getting tulli.

I decided that I better drink slowly, slow drinking meant slow rate of absorption and better chances of avoiding future embarrassments. I glanced at tiger, he too looked in dilemma, he looked unsure about the setup, a thin hope got birth in my mind, maybe this was an elaborate setup for Tiger.

I did not know that a faint smile had appeared on my face. Nick sized this opportunity to get me in jeopardy and asked me to complete the drink.

Drunk as I was got bullied by pressure and had to finish the peg fast, but my subconscious mind which was losing control, in last attempt to rescue me from future troubles pulled tiger in pit too.

I noticed the happiness in Nicks face, why would he not be ? He had hit two target in one arrow.

Secretly many would be happy to pull tigers legs, but will they come out against him was again a question.

The train of thoughts that was pacing around my brain slowed at the red signal brought by sensory nerves connected with the facial skin. I looked up to see who was sprinkling water over me and was bemused (for no particular reason) to see clouds weeping over me.

I was wet from the swimming and was just in my shorts yet I ran for shelter under a tree. Under the tree there was a tempting rock which looked inviting to be a good bed. As if not wanting to hurt the feeling of rock, I slept on it.

"why did you follow me here?" I heard tigers voice.

I looked up to find Tiger sitting on rock legs stretched, his back resting against the Bark of tree. He was having his mobile in left hand and a cigarette in right.

'I just came to take shelter' I replied.

'Don't lie'

'why would 'I' follow you?'

'maybe coz you enjoy sucking me'

'are ya out of your mind?'

'see you have boner thinking about me'

'stop bothering me'

'see m horny , Suck me!'

'you are drunk, that's what you are.'

I again went to my sleeping position.

'See this' He pushed his mobile in my palm.

'What the fuck is this?'

'video proof of you sucking me, "darling bitch" .I'm sure the others will enjoy this today......'

I got up and started to walk away. I wanted space, time to think about what had hit me. I went in direction of mountains, opposite to where the rest of group was sitting. Tiger came after me, cuddled
me from behind. It was his usual way of saying sorry to me. I could feel his breath on my ears.

'I am serious'

I tried to release myself from his grip.

'Its not about me being horny, Its about putting you to your position'

He pushed me to ground and yanked my shorts. I got on my feet's quickly and tried snatching my shorts back. He threw them on a babool tree. Shorts got struck on thorns well above from where I could pull it back. Nevertheless I tried by jumping to my fullest. The alcohol had made me unstable. I kept falling every time I jumped.
Tiger was laughing like a maniac.

"enough of Stupidity' he said holding my neck from behind by his left hand. Positioning my head so that our eyes met for first time since the our drink.

I felt his fingers on waistband of my Jockey underwear. He pulled the elastic as far as he could. I stayed motion less. Watching depth in his brown eyes. His pupils dilated as my waist band came Crashing on my balls. Even under influence of alcohol it hurt. I was on my all four, waiting for the pain to subside. Tiger caught my hairs and pulled me back to my feet. In my anger I tried doing same to him. He caught my hand.

'Don't think of it, or you will end up licking my shoes in front of everyone.'

'I loved you like a brother'

'My dick would love your mouth as urinal, get to work bitch'

I could take it no longer. I ran away from him, Towards the dam, into the water. The warmth of water made me feel better. It wanted to save me from my embarrassment by embracing me in it. I moved forward accepting its invitation. Inch by inch I went inside, walking on my knees. The water level had reached base of my lower lips. The tears in my eyes had blurred my vision and my ears were deafened by the huge cry of humiliation and betrayal in my body. I kept moving forward. I banged into something. My hands wiped the tears out of eyes. I saw a red CK in front of me. I looked up Tiger was looking down at me.

'I have no issue if u want to do it in public.' He said holding me by my hairs.

'What's with you two?' Fartu Enquired from rocks.

'Ruchi is giving me head.' Tiger shouted back

'm Next' Fartu shouted again.

'You should start charging for this, Rs. 5 for eating cum. He he he he he'

SMACK!

With all the power I could muster and all the force I could apply, I had punched his balls. The pain that build in his body was so much that no sound escaped his mouth. Pain made him crash on his knees. He was cupping his balls. The devil inside me was not yet satisfied. I forced his head underwater and pushed him deeper into the Dam.



I got up, turned and started walking outside the water towards the rocks. I reached rocks, poured myself another glass of Rum. In one sip I drowned the drink in my body. I looked at Tigers, He was still in water, In position I had left him in. Face down, body floating. Oddly his legs were floating too. I looked up, towards the sky. My body arched back and went into oblivion.

*****************************************************

'is he alive?'

'can't say, I can't hear him breath.'

' try pressing his stomach'

'make him breath.'

' will he make it?'

'I... I, don't think so ...'

my eyes were open, sun was still in same place which made me realise that not much time has passed. I moved my neck around a bit, No one was surrounding me. I raised my head a little, everyone was gathered around someone else. I tried to walk towards them. I had lost my footings, the legs were not obeying my commands. The head was spinning, the vision would rotate to some angle stop and then return to where it started before. Swinging as I was , I reached near the crowd.

'What happened?' I asked.

My lips moved but no sound came from it. I touched shoulder of nearest person. Scotty turned back, pushed me to ground.

'What did you do to TIGER?' he sobbed.

What had happened, I could recollect nothing. Everything was spinning. Scotty had turned his back on me.

'God, please don't let him die' I prayed.

Clouds withered away, revelling the yellow ball of light. I closed my eyes. When I woke up, I was in nearby friends farm house, Tiger had somehow survived.

Many asked what had happened in the water, I continued my stand of not recollecting anything.

Tiger hugged me when I met him first time after the incident. When we were alone playing TT he asked 'Kya hua tha?' What had happen

'jab tujhe yaad nahi tho mujhe kaise yaad hoga' I replied with a smile.When you dont remember, how Can I