A man is known by company he keeps. The most
talented archer, a disciple of Parshurama, benevolent son of Surya dev and Kunti devi, Karna is
notorious for fighting with Duroyadhan. Was Duroyadhan right or wrong is
another question, but was life of Karna, a devoted husband, a kind father, a
loving brother, a dutiful son, a noble ruler and a very farsighted Intellect, a
failure ?
The death of Karna is in itself a big conspiracy.
According to the available literature, The knowledge of using Divysastra abandoned
him when he really needs due to curse of lord Parshurama, the curse itself can
be called irrational given the fact that though Karna was guilty as charged, he
was a victim of the incident in itself. The impermeable skin and the self-illuminating
earring were generously donated by Karna to a apprehensive father of Arjun,
when Indra disguised as a brahmin asked for them. The doubt of Arjun superiority was planted in
mind of karna by Shalya, who praised Arjun on Shri Krishnas' request. This
doubt coupled with a pair of curse from a brahmin whoes cow was accidently
killed by Karna and Bhoomidevi (mother earth), who misunderstood Karnas'
generosity as a sarcasm to mock less-fortunate peoples, contributed largely
when, wheel of Karnas' chariot got
struck in the mud. Even in presence of above conditions, triumph
of Karna over Arjun was averted by superior steering ability of chariot by Shri
Krishna when he lowered the chariot so that nagastra just missed Arjuns temple
(the chariot was saved only on account of presence of Vasudev, after the end of
day when the 8th Incarnation of lord Vishnu alighted the chariot, it burst in
flames). Expecting a lion not to eat you just because you are vegetarian is how
the end of Karna can be summarized. Karna who spared Arjuns life just a day
before just to abid by the laws of war latter decapitated by Arjun who
shattered several laws in the process.
The only lesson the whole episode of Karna teaches
us that it does not matter what reputation you earn, what matters is the character
that never tarnished. A very wisely put statement by Chanakya very clearly
differentiates between the two, Reputation is what people think of you, while
Character is what you are, a bad reputation never kills, but a tarnished
character leads to doom.
After 2 years 1 month and 22 days, or in other words
784 days after a wait of over 67,737,600 seconds in the duration between Fartu's marriage and
Tigers engagement, and thousand different statement by Duke meaning 'please sort all the issue, I
cannot bear to be part with either you or them, if not for them do it for me'
and like all 'do it for me' statement this one too landed me jeopardy.
I was not completely isolated from the group, every
now and then someone would call and I would be updated. The new year day of
modified Julian calendar and day half a dozen month subsequent to it, were my
usual days to get in touch with my
friends. This exercise, served me multiple purposes, primary being it was a
show of ill-existent ego that was evident by the fact that I did called
everyone irrespective of their attitude towards me, secondarily it helped me
forget the fact that I really was cut-off from the rest of the group.
Tertiarily it kept my self-respect when, if commented, by someone the
significance of date, could be used to give a 180 degree turn, to my
intentions. The other advantages were there, but were largely related to a set
of group rather than the whole demographic of my contact list. The task at hand was now to make every
Individual realize that, 'I'm in touch with you is a secret' is Juvenile and
need of growing up is call of the hour.
The wheel of time gave me fortnight to make things
clear, clear like the vodka I drank with a few. The stage of getting things
right with scotty was set a good month back when suddenly we had a
communication for no reason. The small emojis turned to messages on whatsapp,
and then became voice call. I accused Scotty of not being straight, and
accepted my gay orientation. My dark BDSM fantasies were his and then suddenly
he pulled out. The online or long distance relation between me and Scotty went
through a series of ups and downs before he, on my invitation came to my area
for a bike trip. The whole point of this trip was to make things clear and tell
him that, like my heart, I would like to keep my activity transparent too.
I went to receive him on station, I was a bit late,
and he was waiting for me. When I reached railway station, the existing traffic aggravated by potholes and rain made
me park my bike towards the southern exit to the west side of station. I took
my phone to inform him about the new meeting place and found no network in my
cell. Though I dont profess using outdated technology, but cost of new
equivalent Android phone is high and my Symbian cell is not that bad when it
comes to a stable network. I tried searching for network manually and my when
my phone was searching for network, my eyes scanned the horizon for Scotty. I never bothered to check if my phone
found the network, I saw Scotty standing at the main entrance to station. He
wore a dark blue shirt over a faded denim jeans. He was busy listening to
someone on his phone, I remembered how he was the guy with the least featured
phone and now he was using advance android phone. I wondered if he could really
operate it. His walk while you talk brought me in his line of sight. He smiled,
waved and came near me. He was still listening on phone, and the way he ended
it, it was evident that he was talking to crow. 'crow' was yet another girl in
our group, apart from 'susi'. True to the original concept by Bill Watterson,
there is mutual affinity between Tiger and Susi, similar could be said between
Scotty and Crow. It was my fear that Scotty was more than just friendly with
Crow, It would not come as a surprise to me if in future my sexual orientation,
right to the fact that I suspected a pansexual feeling was always known to her.
The comic situation latter in conversation with Scotty arise when he said how
Susi was found to be a vamp, I laughed, he thought I was happy that he abused
Susi, but the laugh was from the heart given the fact that same statement was
quoted by Tiger a few days before for Crow. As he sat behind, I was thinking
how to describe the goatee he was
sporting, it was a combination of chin strip and goatee, though It made him
look macho, a experienced eye like me could strip the mask easily. The trip was
without much talk, a turn down for me. I had expected him to show courtesy
enough to enquire about me, but as usual my expectation were better kept to
myself. The only conversation we had was how he brought his 'S3' with his own
money, how everyday he would eat curd worth a Sterling Pound, how he wore a 2£
underwear, how he went to gym, how he now tried living life like an adventure
little could he understand that thatz how everyone lived their life. Duke,
Fartu and I always had lot of fun, this fun was what he lacked, hmmmm, may be.
It would be runt thing to describe our trip, but
towards end, riding in rain and wind had frozen my hands and it was difficult
to ride. I was so cold that when we reached his farm house my jersey was
dripping wet and it took me just seconds to strip to my undies. There was no
towel, I searched for dry cloth and found none. Finally I dried myself using the
bed sheet, The bed sheet had a bad odor, it smelled of the dust and moisture
very often found in closed room. I slept on the bed, face down, rubbing my
palms to mattress to dry them. Overlong exposure to water had made my fingers
soggy. I lied there absorbing the heat from mattress.
"Dont sleep that like that, I will end up
Buggering you"
I looked up, found Scotty, he had lost his shirt, but was roaming around in drenched jeans, the waist band of his
underwear sticking out, his shoes making the flooring dirty. I refrained from
commenting and he did not pressed the matter further. This was the scene
throughout the journey, either he abused
me, or praised me, tried pressing my nipples or moving his fingers over my crotch,
and I refrained from commenting or complementing his activity. Though I did
tell him a couple of times about him being gay, but thats nothing unusual
coming from me.
"I'm wet, desperately wet", I took efforts
to look up again, he had lost his boots and jeans and now was vigorously wiping
his head with ragged bed sheet.
"you have gone fat" I commented. It was a
casual comment, nothing sinister about it, but he was so upset that I felt bad
for blurting out. I could see Duke before my eyes and his words echoed in my
ears 'your sharp tongue has pierced
everyone like an arrow, and it has reduced your relations with other from
comical to pathetic ! ' And then I had to bear another hour of his 'Am I
Really Fat' gig. If I had have been straight, and on top of it have had had a
girlfriend, I would have been more comfortable at handling 'Am I fat' scenario and all
I did was make it worse by getting up and actually grabbing the fat. When he
finally settled, I saw that he had the worst ever colour of underpants 'purple'
let alone the colour, it sported a grey waistband, the brand mane on waist band
matched the colour of underpants and even a lot of eye straining on my part
could not tell me what brand it belonged to. A lot of people judge a man by his
shoes, I judge them by underwear they wear. The first impression was of road
side hawker Jokey underwear, but latter a close look told me it to be a 'Lonsdale'.
I wanted to ask him, as I had pre-decided if he had explained our relation to
anyone, I just wanted to make the position clear from Tigers point of view as,
he was the only one who could get affected by Scotty. I opened my mouth to ask,
but a slight moan left it as he moved his nails over my body. It took me a bit
time to realize he was trying to seduce me. I made feeble efforts to plead him
not to, but he continued and with every touch was able to make me shiver. A he
moved his fingers from back to belly, from belly to chest, a few rounds around
my nipples as he moved to my neck. He kept doing this and I kept fighting
against my body. My mind raced me back to the era of my depression, I felt my
heart getting squeezed, a cloud of sadness covered the new ray of hope that had
built in my mind. I moved and cuddled him. my face was on his chest, mouth near
his nipples, his heart beating in my ear.
I do not know how long we were in that position. I was in state of trance, my train of thought
wondering from how abuses I had received at his hands, from the mouth of Tiger,
some abuses I had imagined, few insight at what others usually talked behind my
back to mixed tension of being jobless,
about the unknown future, and then just darkness. Darkness filled with
negativity, complimented by Scotty's beating heart. Tears started forming in my
eyes.
'Whats the time ?', He enquired.
This brought me back to my senses. There was still more than two hours before
we needed to move. He started where he had left, moving his fingers over my
torso, the new position enabled him access to my ass. He concentrated over the
area near waist band of my underwear, more moans escaped my mouth, as I buckled
in the sensation. The little devil in my crotch tingled, he realized that he
had me excited, his tempo increased and much to my disappointment, I found my
hands moving over his naked torso. My clumsy hand reached his cock, I lowered
his ill-coloured underwear to revel his semi hard dick. I started masturbating
him. First with whole palm, latter with just two fingers. slowly, then fast,
then again reducing the tempo, just to make him wanting I would plant a kiss on
his ear lobe of nipple, but my hand kept working.
Human mind is a curious thing, just moments ago I
was sad, before that I was determined, I was happy and now I was horny. My
focus was now entirely on moving his dick, my Index finger and thumb moving on
his dick in fluid motion. His foreskin stretched when my finger went down his
shaft. As finger went up, it encompassed the dick head. I kept moving up and
down , up and down ..... up and down. My
subconscious mind drifted from the erect dick to, abstract from abstract to
painting I had seen last time I had visited Salarjung museum. It finally
settled to a conversation I had with one of my friends, It was his birthday and
we were all stoned, his stories about conquest of girls were music to ears, we
were all in the state of bliss when he was describing the first sex experience.
half the details he said are lost to the vodka, but I remember him taking his
dick out and presenting it for our Inspection. He was making a point that no
one knows that its not just girl that bleeds, even guys have to experience
pain. The foreskin gets pulled and even ruptures when you have sex for the
first time, I looked at his dick, head all visible like one we see in porn. My subconscious
mind, challenged my conscious part, how could Scotty have had sex, if his fore
skin was intact and dick head not visible ?
'Are you enjoying it?'
He was looking at me. I never really recovered and as usual a found myself
blurting out the truth.
'No'
'Please stop it, I don't want anybody's favor'
That sting, I have no idea way but It did.
I got on my knees, positioned myself between his legs , pulled his underwear
off and went down on him. He caught me as I reached near him.
'Don't kiss?'
That felt like a slap. Tight slap on my cheek.
He pushed my shoulders down. He wanted me to give
him blow job. I stood my ground, he increased pressure on my shoulder, I went down and kissed his chest. his
nipples. His legs closed on me pushing my body on his. He pulled my upper part
and gave me a tight hug.
I was devoid of emotions, a void existed in me, It
was there since a long time but its existence what I felt then. Long ago when I
was too young to understand things I had watched a movie titled chori chori,
chupke chupke a salman starred movie where he hires a slut portrayed by Preeti
Zienta to hold his child. In that movie when Salman first tells his intentions
she says,
'sab kuch chalega, bus hoto ki chummi nahi milegi.'
It was hard for me to digest a no
kiss. What was I ? lower then a slut? so filthy that he wanted no part of me around his mouth ? All my
queries were dumped as put his fingers under waist band of my undies, pulled it
wide and let it crash. I replied by inserting my tongue in his belly button,
while his dick was getting a massage by my chin. I never knew if he liked or
disliked it, he just turned and now his back and ass were exposed.
'massage my back.',
It was more
of an order than request and I obliged. My hands were soft for his muscular
back. All the trapezius muscle and latissimus dorsi
were too developed to
be pressed by me. I went down and started playing with his ass cheeks. I could see goose bumps on his ass cheeks as I
brushed my finger over them, the gentler I was, hornier he got. The last stroke between his ass cheek was the
final nail in coffin. He got up, pushed me on my back, sat on my chest and
without waiting for my node plunged his dick in my mouth. I tried resisting but
my attempt was winked and kissed upon as his dick touched my throat. he tried
numerous strokes. sometimes a rapid gush in gush out, sometimes a slow but rhythmic
fucking of my face, sometime he would hold his dick head just at my lips and to
his pleasure I would lick the tip with my tongue, sometime he would hold with
his dick deep inside my throat virtually chocking me. Then as if something got
in him, he slapped me, a strong one on
my left cheek. I clasped my had at his sides. He removed his dick from
my mouth completely and went rough on me firing slaps. He squeezed just above
the lower Jaw end with his thumbs and fingers, I realized his physical strength,
my mouth just opened in due to pressure and pain. He let go to give me another
slap and the put his balls in my mouth.
'suck my
balls , bitch!'
and I did. His
hands tugging and pressing my nipples.
He Pulled his balls out of my mouth. The weird taste lingered in my mouth. He
was now in mood to play. He positioned his dick just a few inch above my lips,
like he wanted me to reach for it. He motivated me by more squeeze of my chest
area and I like a wanting slut obliged. I
was now trapped in a emotio-physical battle inside my head, pleasure or
resistance, finally an Image of me having sex in open with my dream guy
appeared and I masturbated to it, I came in just few strokes and then slumped.
With me slumped, too tired to move either my ass or jaw or hand, he got tired
of me, he tried masturbating me but already oozed cum that had struck inside my
foreskin fell. He masturbated himself and went to get clean. The sinister Idea
of making him go home without underwear crossed my mind. I wore his underwear
and went to clean myself. Much to my disappointment he had another pair, pink
colour with a wierd waist band.
We moved,
Rest was pretty anti-climax, anti-climax even for an anti-climax. He blocked my
number both on call and whatsapp. I'm still in dilema if I should go and meet
Tiger or not. Let's see, whatever happens, happens for good, and Its clear
whatever the relation between me and Scotty its neither as pure as love nor
even near a friendship. Friendship is a sweet responsibility, never an opportunity
!
As I saw
Scotty get into the train, I wondered why there are no conclusive ends to
chapters of my story ? am I a bad writer ? or its how my life is ? before an
old story could end, a new starts, the end of old story remains a free end?
sometimes it continues from free end and sometimes an altogether new set of
circumstances arise. In life i've had lot of experiences, good, bad and even
ugly. But a fact thats as true as a rupee is, endings are always happy. If
it aint happy, it aint end.
