That Question : from Tigers point of view

July, 2014

My feeling towards Ruchit had always been complex. There are relations better not described, not for the fact that you are embarrassed about them, but mostly because words could never do justice towards them. So after all the crap, and I do mean the word, that had transpired between us; from the events that took in college, the boil up and eruption on Fartu's  marriage eve, his not wanting to talk for about couple of years , then his finally coming to sense ironically on the fools day and then foolishness on my part to not invite him to my engagement and ultimately some shoddy patch up that Duke conjured between us, Ruchit invited me to his home.

I was surprised to receive his call, Inviting me to his home on the first Saturday of July to his home for dinner and stay.  I was worried of his intentions though, as at least for me, he never does anything without reason. His birthday on Sunday was a good reason, but Inviting me to his house, without listing who else would be there looked fishy. 

Nevertheless, I obliged and as usual he came to receive me at the station. He looked his usual irony marred self with those sarcastic eyes, that even crime master Gogo would have been proud of to keep. He stayed with his family in a government quarter with colony a good 10 kms from the station. I remembered that there was a beach somewhere near his house, about a couple of miles I guess. So it took us another twenty minutes with his turtle speed driving to reach his home. After the tea, in his room, I expected him to say why he wanted me to come. After a wait, which made me nervous as well as bit curious, I directly asked him. 

'Not here bro, not here' He said, just before deflecting and changing the topic. After dinner, he said lets go to the beach. His mom cautioned us, but we still went ahead. We chatted about random stuff from Akbar to Modi, from some Meteorology to his recent admission for PhD, from his funny antics during our college year to his Pushpak year, the point where he went serious, and the point where we reached the beach. 

It so happened that during those Pushpak years, where he claimed to not talk with any of us, he ended up having a chat with most of the guys from the group. Nobody would accept that they had chat with him, but somehow everyone knew what was going in his life. I had a pretty much good idea that he was gay, and he knew it and he had accepted it. I also had a hint of doubt that he had crush on me, people thought it was just another sidekick superhero relation back then, but now the picture was a bit clear, at least for me. Someone was dumb enough to let it slip about his attempt to end his life with sip of baygon, but we just laughed it saying he would rather kill others than take his life. It grieved me, and I distinctly remember thinking about it on my toilet seat with my wife inquiring if I was alright and why was I taking so much time. But the as I told ya, the emotion is like the 'malai' in coconut, you cant judge from outside and when you try to break open you get water, you cant judge the malai with coconut water, its like the things we tell to hide our emotions, like something to protect our real emotions. To tell these emotion, its difficult. 

So here we were, late in the night, on a deserted and silent beach, without any lights, the sound of wave breaking and insect to keep our silence intensified, he finally spoke.

'I know lot has transpired, just don't interrupt, let me speak.' His voice was masked, like he was trying to hide some emotion. swallowing his spit he continued, ' Our definition of friend has always been different, I'm not accusing you or something, just listen'.

I urged him to carry on. We had lots and lots of debate on this friend issue. He always was 'friends are family' and shit. He always expected a lot more from friends. I had other consideration too. Sometimes you have some experiences which makes you behave in a certain way. I had taken a lot of bad decisions, and I'm not proud, but I could never be the friend that you could always turn to when in need. 

'I hope we at least agree that friend comes as a package, you have to accept his negative aspects along with what you like in him. So what I mean is that, I dont want you to break our friendship on the basis of what I'm going to ask you.'

'fair enough.' I said.

He was looking at sea, I was waiting for him to speak, the waves were now lashing on the shore with more vigor than when we came. He broke the synchronous wave noise by saying, 'wait here, I'd be back in a minute.'

When he came back, he had a flash light with him. In his other hand he had a plastic bag, evidently taken out from his Activa dickey. He placed the flashlight on sand to take out two glasses, a big mouthed thermos flask. I expected him to pour tea from the flask, but to my surprise, he poured a few ice cubes in the glasses and then preceded to remove a bottle of whiskey from the bag.

'I don't think, I could ask you with me sober.' He tried to explain his actions, and then like most occasion his sharp tongue game me a shot of hard truth as he added, 'but then again, I dont think you could answer me honestly being sober yourself.'

I was falling short of words to say to him. I even considered calling this off. The whole thing was intense, and on the rocks scotch in a dark breezy night on a beach was magnifying the quantity of all wrong hormones in my body. After a few pegs, with my mind fuzzy, I could not help myself but to urge him to be honest with me and ask what all this was for. I was not even in slightest possible way of what he could ask, but the agony of anticipation was fueling my apprehension to heights and I wanted this to end.

'Promise me you won't break friendship over this.' he said, giving his hand for me to hold. 

' I won't.' I squeezed his hand. 

'Actually, breaking friend ship is secondary.' he chuckled, ' I', more afraid that you would hit me.'

with a short Nana Patekar laugh, he said ' jus don't create a scene at my home dude.' 

He poured us another peg, gulped down his waited for me to follow him and when I finished mine. He asked, 'Tiger bro, Melody itni chocolaty kyu hoti hai?' 

Iwwh Bwrt : Part 1

Dinner  Date

Finally after a lot of pleading, just a two week before his marriage Abhiraj agreed to meet me for dinner. I dressed as good as I could went to Lucky restro. He was already there, seated at a table on the far corner. He was dressed casually, a faded grey t-shirt pulled over blue denims. He looked at me, motioning me to sit with a nod and a raised eye brow.

I smiled at him, more of blushing smile. Ignoring me, he called waiter and ordered soup for us.

He looked straight in my eyes and asked, 'Let's get this once for all'
'yep'  was my excited reply.
'Just to be clear before we start, let me summarize the situation. You are gay, in love with me for about 8years now and there is no way you are going to stop loving me.'
'True' I was bit startled, by his direct attitude.
'And I have assumed you would continue to want a relationship with me even when you know I'm getting married in a fortnight.'
'Hmm,'
'Is that a yes or no ?'
'kind of yes, I know what ....'
'shhhh'  He silenced me, putting a finger to his lips.

'You know i'm straight ?'
'yes'
'And still you were expecting some physical relation with me ?'
'I dont know that, I just love you, I like you'
'love or like ?'
'love,........, love LOVE love ! buy why are you asking all this ?'  

'I've been through several of your gay profiles, fb, orkut, PR and even manjam' and then his eyes twinkled as he spoke, 'I realized that you have you dont stop at being gay. You stoop even lower, you have BDSM interests.'

The color of my face faded. It was like a tight slap, I could feel the heat behind my ears. 

'Actully wo kya hai na, ki ....' I started explaining.
He put his hand out to make me stop.  waiter came with our soup. After he went, he said in a zestful tone.

'pi le chupchap, tujhe energy ki jarurat hai.'

I smiled shyly and started eating my soup. He called waiter  and ordered dinner.  I was thinking about various scenarios that would happen and what kind of reaction should I present to them. I did not even bother to listen what he ordered.  Once waiter departed, He cleared his throat.

' I've done some research on BDSM so dont bother giving me some incompetent explanations' Taking a sip of his soup he continued ' Since we both know that a normal relation is not going to happen between us and you are adamant about having one with me, ARE...YOU.... WILLING.... TO.... HAVE... A...BDSM... RELATION... WITH....ME ?' 

My throat had dried, I looked towards the mirror at the far end of hotel to find a panicked me staring back at me. I swallowed my saliva to sooth my throat, but to no avail.
I opened my mouth to speak something but no words came out. Sitting before me was love of my life, getting married in a few days and asking me to be in a BDSM relation with me. I was not even sure about what kind of BDSM was he referring to.  Was he as dom or master ? Did he know I'm a sub ? I was thinking about various aspects when finally he spoke.

'If you accept me to be your master, stay; else finish your soup and dont bother to even think about me, It would be end of everything between us.'

I was hard for me, I knew I could never forget him or take him out of my heart. But to be in a Master-slave relation with him was something I had never thought. I needed time to think.

'Think fast' He told. 'you dont have much time' He added.

Lets get into a temporary relation I thought, anyway how much of BDSM he must be knowing ? He appeared a vanilla person to me. Hero of  ShaRukh type romantic movies.  

'I'll stay' I said.

'mind you, Its not a one session relation. If you stay, you are submitting yourself for your life'  He said sharply. The tone was with so much power that it almost made me shiver, Goosebumps appearing all over my body.  Waiter asked if he could serve the dinner.  Abhiraj asked him to do it after five minutes.

'If you are still here after the dinner is being brought I'll consider that you are ready for a lifelong slavery under me. Your body, mind and soul would be mine and there would be no going back.'

I remained silent. Waiter brought dinner,  he had a questioning look when he look at Abhi.
'kya kar raha hai tu ?' Abhi asked me.
'I'll stay' I replied, barely audible.

'just put the stuff on table, we'll serve ourselves' he said to waiter.
'sir, you require another plate ?'
'he's not eating ' He replied with a smile. ( try imagining the smile of Michel Scofield from prison break when he leaves Dr. Trancadi's office.)

Once the waiter went away, I could see a gleam in his eyes. He made himself comfortable in chair, shoulders touching the  shoulder rest. With a satisfaction on his face, he said ' what are you waiting for ? serve'

I was brought back from my trance, It was a bitter sweet moment, bitter because a good friend of mine actually wanted all this from me and sweet because my subconscious mind was mocking at lameness of his command. A task as simple as serving food, sitting opposite in a restaurant was in no was going to humiliate me. nevertheless, I obliged.

Once the dinner was served, he started eating. A few morsel later, he beckoned the waiter and ordered wine. Then looking at me, he blurted 'dont keep staring at me. eak kam kar, bathroom mai ja, apni underwear nikal ke aa'

The subconscious mind laughed again, lets be game, it said. I went to bathroom, found empty stall, removed my designer levis underwear with a map of  London Metro over it and went back to the table. He was enjoying his wine. There was no glass for me. He looked at me as I approached the table, with a slight node of head to imply me nude under my jeans, I sat across him.

Taking a sip he observed, 'still there is some doubt in your mind as to where this is going.' Another sip
'let's make it a bit more clear'
Another sip
'my shoes are dirty, clean them with your underwear'   

This WAS something, he table was in corner granted, the table cloth was covering a lot of visible area, The position where he was sitting, he could view anyone approaching,  BUT this was a task.
My subconscious mind still disagreed, it rooted to fact that though someone could see me, It was highly unlikely that they would know me.
'Hmmmm, kya hua ?'
This was enough to urge me to get under table and start rubbing his blue rebook sports shoes, covered with dust enough to make my white underwear go brown. I kept togging between his left and right. I did it for a few minutes when he kicked me, I took it as an indication to stop and get up.
Back on the seat the waiter approached once more to enquire if he wanted something else, he dismissed him to bring a finger bowl.  He removed fork and spoon from his plate, pushed it towards me before saying 'finish it !'

I've eaten with him in same plate many a times. So, this was not a humiliating task as it appears. I was busy finishing the leftover when the waiter arrived with his finger bowl.
'  Sir, you require another finger bowl ?'  The waiter asked me.
'No, that wont be necessary'  I did not look up to embarrassed to meet the waiters gaze.

'hogya kya tera ?' He asked. His voice suddenly more sinister, deep maybe rough.
I gave a feeble node.
'yeh  peele' He said, pushing the finger bowl towards me. I gave a quick glance across to check if anyone was watching, then without thinking for a second I drank from his finger bowl. Hot lemon juice without sugar with debris of chicken masala floating in it. The taste whatever was marred by the  temperature of liquid.

Waiter came with bill and was courteous enough to not ask about the missing water from finger bowl. As we left the hotel, he handed me the key to his car.
'le ke aa'
I looked at him confused, for he knew that I could not drive. Thatz stupid, I thought. Nevertheless for the sake of the scene we were playing I thought to be a sport and Informed him. 'I can't drive'  

Out of nowhere, with even the Nostradamus failing to predict, his right hand came crashing in my face. 'Smack'. My glasses flew from my face to the road, a clear outline of his fingers on my cheeks.  Few people stopped to watch what was happening, I picked my glasses and started walking towards his car.
'don't expect me to drive you stupid ass around every time' He sounded genuinely angry.
Maybe this was the height of his dominance and was on high with the pleasure I thought.  The keys were still in my hand, I slid in the passenger seat and opened the divers side door for him.  I was just looking for seatbelt that back of his left had crashed of my face. I was stunned.

'uttar bhoasdike, baithne bola kya maine?'
I got out as fast as I could. Once I was out I saw his head from the top of the car frame indicating me to get to the backside of car. He's going to make me walk back home I thought.  When I reached the rare, he opened the dickey of his SX4. I gave him a feeble 'no way' look, all I got back was a tongue lashing. 'Puch k baitha hota tho atleast neiche baithne deta, dont make me force you in.' I had already come so far, there was no point in going back this time. I got in the dickey, fortunately SX4 has a lot of space.  Before closing the hood, he made me put my underwear in my mouth.

I was engorged in my thoughts; they varied from the time I met with Abhi to other crushes I had. I wondered about where I was going and was there any meaning to anything that happen.  I ignored all the whatsapp message I received. Rejected a couple of calls, surprised at the fact that I had no call from home.  After what appeared more than a quarter of hour the car halted. He let me out of the car to a unfamiliar surroundings.  I was not sure what part of Mumbai we were in.
Without a word he started to walk towards the entrance to building, I followed him. The watchman saluted him as we entered. He indicated me to call the lift, I did. Once Inside the lift, he said 7th floor. I pressed the button.

'you come by stairs; servants are not allowed in lift.'

By the time I reached seventh floor, I was breathing heavily. I found him waiting by the door of 707. When I reached he tossed me the key. I opened the doors for him. This time around I waited for him to enter. He went in and sat by the sofa. A smiled flash across his face, the sweet smile that made me crazy about him.
'My slave standing by the door, waiting for me to order him in' He mocked. 'you really want to do this ?'
'yes' I replied, my sound muffled by the underwear in the mouth.

'The time you enter the room, you leave all your wishes, choices and relations outside.' He spade.
I moved my head to show I understood. 'That would include your wallet, mobile phone and ...... even your clothes'

He took a long pause, as if waiting for the message to sip in. Then he continued, 'So just remove your clothes, and dump then in the bucket I have kept there by the door.' I continued to stare at him.

Navrang

Paddling his bicycle down from Maya Academy of Cinematic, Manav found himself caught in slow moving traffic at Rasulgarh. Cycling to keep in check his growing belly was proving a tiresome job during the evening traffic.  He pulled his bike aside on highway bridge to enjoy the wind and magnificent view of Mahanadi distributaries'.  As he locked his bike, his eyes felt upon a handsome college boy enjoying the sunset.

A fight started in his mind, should he approach the guy or not.  He imagined himself going over to him and saying 'hay dude, you are so breath taking handsome, you stole my heart. I love you!' but then himself dismissed the idea of this 'nautanki', visualizing the reaction of the kid to preposterous proposal by a guy in his late twenties with a pink shirt. 
Thinking about the pretext to start a conversation, he thought about going over to him and giving his 'sadu baba gyan' about life and happiness. A sinister smile sprouted across his cheeks as a triumphant idea about writing a screenplay about him flashed across his mind. The idea was good, but the kid may not be interested in letting someone write about him, so his mind wandered to assimilate a few decent words, regal enough to convince the kid to come to his abode and get a portrait painted.  
 The 'scientist' in his conscience kept experimenting with the hormones and the ambiance with a hot kid did finally lead to a tingle down there. 

Manav finally walked his bike to the guy and asked,

'what's the time?'
 'don't have a watch', said the kid with a shrug.

Kid watched Manav peddle away and thought, 'he was so cuddly, almost like a rabbit'

He put his hands in the sweat shirt and started walking in other direction thinking, 'if only he were gay'.

Drinks (Added Part I)

The seven day gap between the papers was always a mini holiday. This time the holiday coincided with Christmas. Nick’s parents were out and it was apparent that the drinking community of our class would gather at his place. I was invited too. Usually I was designated Non-drinker, meant to see if there were not any abnormalities in the bills. When I reached Nicks place I was surprised to see that only our core group was invited.

Duke, Tiger and I were non-drinkers while Nick, Scotty and Fartu were pro.

‘Looks like you have Quit drinking’ I asked Nick

he raised an eye brow and slowly spoke ‘I have some other plan’

the twinkling of his eyes made his grin vicious. I looked around at Tiger; he was fiddling with his hairs in front of mirror. He noticed me looking at him. He turned around and with a questioned look on his face asked ‘are you gay?’

‘What’s with you?’

‘it you who was ogling at me’

‘Cut the crap and tell me what’s cooking?’

‘Wait and enjoy!’

He got up from his place and cuddled me from behind. Pressing my biceps he said ‘you are so soft’

‘huh?’

‘Kind of fluffy’ he smirked, moving hand over them.

I just rolled my eyes and looked at our reflection in mirror. He rested his head on my back and gave a soft moan.

‘What happen?’ I enquired.

‘Hmm, nothing just feeling a bit sleepy’

‘k’

‘if your romance is over, we better get going’ Nick said.

‘What do you think? We are gay or what?’

‘Sometimes I seriously doubt it’ he clapped his hands on this dialogue as others started laughing. Tiger released me from his hold and started to button up his shirt. With one last look in mirror he announced ‘I’m ready’ and with a pat on my butt he added ‘move it baby’

we reached a local restaurant at Gorai (Borivali west). We went to backside where they sported a bar. Nicks ordered chicken 69 for starters and Smirnoff (apple flavour) for six.

I started laughing.

‘this time around you lost your mind before having even a sip’

‘whatz’

‘you forgot that we don’t drink’

‘not from now’ he said.

The persuasion continued as duke and I were adamant about it.

The waiter brought the drink and made six glasses as duke kept yelling about drinking being a social disease and Fartu asking him why he was staying with infected people.

I looked at tiger for some help. He looked back, jerking his head upward.

‘Why are you not saying anything?’

‘Ok, will you agree to what I say?’

‘What’s with you?

‘I’m starting to drink today and I know that even you will so I don’t think there is any point wasting any time arguing ’

‘ I’m not drinking’

‘Please, for me’

Scotty and Fartu mounted pressure on me as I succumbed to it.

With me drinking Nicks was confident that Duke would too and so just to strike with iron hot he said ‘Duke, this is last time I’m asking you to join. After this I don’t care even if you just fuck off from here’

Duke looked much tensed. Emotional battle raging in his mind as he spoke ‘no problem if u do that, but I’m not a ‘DARUDYA’ and so I wont drink’

‘even I would just taste’ I tried to back off.

‘It’s my first time too’ tiger said reassuring.

‘We know you are amateur, don’t worry’ Fartu added.

Glass in everyone’s hand contained a 50-50 mixture of vodka and sprite only Duke had sprite in glass. Everyone raised their glasses in toast for our first drink.

Cheers !

‘Cheers’ everyone cried.

As I took a first small sip an ugly tasting liquid filled my mouth. As I swallowed it, it went burning my throat.

‘You are officially drinker now’ cried Nick.

After chicken 69 and a couple of more ‘Pegs’, we ate butter chicken. The taste was so good that I ate till my tummy was packed.

I was having a mild dizziness and I associated it with vodka’s effect. Others went to eat ‘Paan’. I did not for one reason that I never ate paan before and other that my tummy was so full that even a Paan would bring out everything. I settled for a mint.

As we moved towards Nicks home, Nick pointed at a building.

‘This is where Dimple lives’

‘let’s call her’ Tiger suggested looking up.

‘You have gone out of your mind’ cried troubled Duke.

‘These are our enjoying days’ Tiger winked.

‘Let’s get going’ I was losing grip on myself as I found hard to even speak.

Before we could do anything, Dimple appeared in window.

‘What are you guys doing here?’ she asked.

‘Just came to Nicks house’

‘Come up’

I was worried (*gote muhe mai AA Gaye thae*)

but there was no escape. We went to her house.

‘This is one of the most interactive batch of students I’ve had’ Dimple explained to her Parents as her younger brother and sister were looking at us beaming. The dizziness had turned into strong acidic burst in my stomach. I was controlling not to puke. Her sister brought kokum syrup for us.

Every nerve in my body tried controlling that puking as I took a sip.

‘It’s good that you gave us Kokum syrup. It helps to avoids in indigestion...’Nick was stopped mid way by burst of my vomit.

oops !

‘The Projectile as it was famously referred latter.

My term-work mark for remaining semesters highlights my first drinking experience. (Added coz Manav complains about incomplete stories: P)

{and written because Ansh asked me Do u Drink? I answered: ‘m an engineer!

Ofcource drinking saved me blushes when I was working in MNC and my Sr. Manager was impressed by my professional display in party, I think I should save it for latter.}

With Love ......

Thodi si jo pi li hai

Urs Ruchit Pathak Engg.