That Question : from Tigers point of view

July, 2014

My feeling towards Ruchit had always been complex. There are relations better not described, not for the fact that you are embarrassed about them, but mostly because words could never do justice towards them. So after all the crap, and I do mean the word, that had transpired between us; from the events that took in college, the boil up and eruption on Fartu's  marriage eve, his not wanting to talk for about couple of years , then his finally coming to sense ironically on the fools day and then foolishness on my part to not invite him to my engagement and ultimately some shoddy patch up that Duke conjured between us, Ruchit invited me to his home.

I was surprised to receive his call, Inviting me to his home on the first Saturday of July to his home for dinner and stay.  I was worried of his intentions though, as at least for me, he never does anything without reason. His birthday on Sunday was a good reason, but Inviting me to his house, without listing who else would be there looked fishy. 

Nevertheless, I obliged and as usual he came to receive me at the station. He looked his usual irony marred self with those sarcastic eyes, that even crime master Gogo would have been proud of to keep. He stayed with his family in a government quarter with colony a good 10 kms from the station. I remembered that there was a beach somewhere near his house, about a couple of miles I guess. So it took us another twenty minutes with his turtle speed driving to reach his home. After the tea, in his room, I expected him to say why he wanted me to come. After a wait, which made me nervous as well as bit curious, I directly asked him. 

'Not here bro, not here' He said, just before deflecting and changing the topic. After dinner, he said lets go to the beach. His mom cautioned us, but we still went ahead. We chatted about random stuff from Akbar to Modi, from some Meteorology to his recent admission for PhD, from his funny antics during our college year to his Pushpak year, the point where he went serious, and the point where we reached the beach. 

It so happened that during those Pushpak years, where he claimed to not talk with any of us, he ended up having a chat with most of the guys from the group. Nobody would accept that they had chat with him, but somehow everyone knew what was going in his life. I had a pretty much good idea that he was gay, and he knew it and he had accepted it. I also had a hint of doubt that he had crush on me, people thought it was just another sidekick superhero relation back then, but now the picture was a bit clear, at least for me. Someone was dumb enough to let it slip about his attempt to end his life with sip of baygon, but we just laughed it saying he would rather kill others than take his life. It grieved me, and I distinctly remember thinking about it on my toilet seat with my wife inquiring if I was alright and why was I taking so much time. But the as I told ya, the emotion is like the 'malai' in coconut, you cant judge from outside and when you try to break open you get water, you cant judge the malai with coconut water, its like the things we tell to hide our emotions, like something to protect our real emotions. To tell these emotion, its difficult. 

So here we were, late in the night, on a deserted and silent beach, without any lights, the sound of wave breaking and insect to keep our silence intensified, he finally spoke.

'I know lot has transpired, just don't interrupt, let me speak.' His voice was masked, like he was trying to hide some emotion. swallowing his spit he continued, ' Our definition of friend has always been different, I'm not accusing you or something, just listen'.

I urged him to carry on. We had lots and lots of debate on this friend issue. He always was 'friends are family' and shit. He always expected a lot more from friends. I had other consideration too. Sometimes you have some experiences which makes you behave in a certain way. I had taken a lot of bad decisions, and I'm not proud, but I could never be the friend that you could always turn to when in need. 

'I hope we at least agree that friend comes as a package, you have to accept his negative aspects along with what you like in him. So what I mean is that, I dont want you to break our friendship on the basis of what I'm going to ask you.'

'fair enough.' I said.

He was looking at sea, I was waiting for him to speak, the waves were now lashing on the shore with more vigor than when we came. He broke the synchronous wave noise by saying, 'wait here, I'd be back in a minute.'

When he came back, he had a flash light with him. In his other hand he had a plastic bag, evidently taken out from his Activa dickey. He placed the flashlight on sand to take out two glasses, a big mouthed thermos flask. I expected him to pour tea from the flask, but to my surprise, he poured a few ice cubes in the glasses and then preceded to remove a bottle of whiskey from the bag.

'I don't think, I could ask you with me sober.' He tried to explain his actions, and then like most occasion his sharp tongue game me a shot of hard truth as he added, 'but then again, I dont think you could answer me honestly being sober yourself.'

I was falling short of words to say to him. I even considered calling this off. The whole thing was intense, and on the rocks scotch in a dark breezy night on a beach was magnifying the quantity of all wrong hormones in my body. After a few pegs, with my mind fuzzy, I could not help myself but to urge him to be honest with me and ask what all this was for. I was not even in slightest possible way of what he could ask, but the agony of anticipation was fueling my apprehension to heights and I wanted this to end.

'Promise me you won't break friendship over this.' he said, giving his hand for me to hold. 

' I won't.' I squeezed his hand. 

'Actually, breaking friend ship is secondary.' he chuckled, ' I', more afraid that you would hit me.'

with a short Nana Patekar laugh, he said ' jus don't create a scene at my home dude.' 

He poured us another peg, gulped down his waited for me to follow him and when I finished mine. He asked, 'Tiger bro, Melody itni chocolaty kyu hoti hai?' 

Rendezvous at Mumbai - Chapter 2: Collared in the end

Chapter 0 : Road to slavery

April 17, 2014 : Tihcur Kahtap's House, Maharashtra.
Tihcur

I have a good memory. Not Eidetic, nor the fabled photographic memory. I simply have good memory. I still can recall the days when I created this account, fake Ruchit Pathak account on Facebook. It then had a different name, but its like the destiny wanted me to be Ruchit. Four years later, with  blow jobs to 10 different guys, Including two masters, I was at my wits end about my so called love life. I would have wanted a prince charming type master, mostly 'Tiger'. But, Tiger was married and a contact on fetlife ,  one 'dancing_death', who was close to being a perfect master;  seemed to have lost interest in me. The void inside me seemed to be expanding, threatening  to engulf me in its empty horizon of no hope.  The very idea that I would die un-collared was eating me.

The week long holidays to my college, and prospect of studying for PhD entrance was so terrifying that I was in a pseudo-self_proclaimed-depression of my own. All I did since last six days was watch House MD, or BBT, or some crappy program on TV, may be a few movies. Log onto various social networking site I have account on. And ,watch porn, read BDSM gay stories and masturbate.

It was by chance, and a good fortune that I pinged one 'Ankit Ruben' with a BDSM display picture.  A chat on fb, which got diverted to a video chat on yahoo and then finally when he was satisfied a chat on whatsapp. Usually I'm a very bitchy person. I have an IQ of 163, I am smart enough to know what the other guys intentions are, and Intelligent enough to not 'show' but just tell on messengers. It was different with Ankit, I obeyed a few of his commands on video. They were simple, being on knees, showing him the front view, the back view, being like dog with all the views he could have. The chat on other hand was complex. He wanted to know a lot of things. This is good. Especially when we know there are fake wanna-bees master and slave in the circuit. I gave him all the technically correct answer I knew. And he liked them.

The chat wanted me to meet him. He was from Bangalore and I stayed at a village 100Kms south of Mumbai.  The only way I felt that a session would happen was If I went to Bangalore. The thing with the BDSM scene in India is everyone wants to be a part, but no one is willing travel through it. I am one of those. Even with the high libido and extreme need to be humiliate, I am not willing to travel for it. The session was a distant dream. Then out of blue moon, came the opportunity,  Ankit was coming to Mumbai. The exact reason for his coming was unclear to me. I thought there would be some professional or personal reason other than session. He later informed me that he would be accompanied by friend. I had no issue with it.

Finally the day arrived.

Chapter 2: Collared in the end

May 1, 2014, Thursday.
Tihcur

'Lock the door dog. And put it in do not disturb mode.' Master ordered. I obliged.
As I walked back to him I realized I was standing. I knew I would be punished. But I was happy. I had a theory that Initial small, subtle punishment were needed for bonding. I was bravely going to face them.

'So you are standing again ?' Master asked me in a mock anger voice. Then his tone changed, it was loud and harsh. 'bloody fucker, you think you can stand in front of me ?' he asked.

getting on my knees I said, 'sorry sir.'

'sorry my foot.' He slapped me. Harder than he had slapped me before. 'You turn up here without bringing all the item I asked you to, and you have guts to stand in front of me ?'

'sorry sir.'  A slap to my left cheek.

'sorry sir.'  This time on my right.

'sorry sir.'  A series of blow, left , right and finally a twist to my ear.

'what all Items you missed ?' He asked. Apparently bored by slapping me.

'Spandex underwear sir... and masks sir.' I answered. (Actually I was tempted to refer myself as 'it', but then somehow it looked bit monotonous and degrading in non erotic way. So I reverted back to use of a human pronoun for myself)

'so you wish to have your face in the picture I take ?' He asked.

This is the typical dialogue that we BDSMites expect in India. Nobody is ready to get exposed, and yet that is what turns everyone on. I was turned on by the concept of pictures that would compromise my dignity on internet. At the  same time at back  of my mind I was aware of the ugly scenarios' that could follow it.  I did not look into his eyes, I was staring at his T-shirt.

'What ?' He asked. 'Dog ??'

'If you wish to, sir.'  I squeaked.

'Don't worry, I won't let your face picture on internet dog. You are my responsibility.' He assured. 'Now... Take your clothes off.' He ordered.

I stripped. Naked like dog, I knelt before him, anticipating his next command.

'Why are you not wearing underwear ?' He asked.

'Sir you asked me not to. I was suppose to keep them in my pocket sir.'

'Hmm.' He pondered.

'Show me all the underwear you have got.'  He asked. After I tried all the three underwear, Master decided that I look best in my blue Levis bikini brief.

'so you want to get collared ?' He asked. It was a happy sounding tone.

'yes.' I answered.

smack. He gave me a back handed slap.

'what did you say?' His tone very sharp.

I realized,  I missed the 'sir' at the end. I was suppose to address him properly. I got tensed,  anticipating another slap, I said, 'Sorry sir.'

'Why do you keep doing it ? you should I hate this kind of behavior. I should feel proud of you. And here you disgust me.'

Panic was replaced by a strange sadness in my heart. I knew I was wrong. I kissed his feet.

'bark like a dog'

'woof woof'

'keep barking, until I stop you'

'woof woof sir, woof woof sir, woof woof sir, woof woof sir'

'ok enough. Now come here.' He said. He grabbed the collar from the table.

I shifted my torso towards him.

'Here, kiss it.' He commanded, holding he vibrant blue collar. I kissed.

The world froze for me.

Rendezvous at Mumbai Chapter 1: The Master, The Dog and I

Chapter 1: The Master, The Dog and I

May 1, 2014 , Thursday : Andheri, Mumbai
Rishab

With Ankit it was always this thing. He would be dominating enough even for small things. When he requested me to bring his 'dog'  to the room I complied. He had shown me his dog's picture and I knew his dog was suppose to be dressed in formals, so recognizing him was not a problem. He was standing outside the hotel main door. The stripped gray shirt tucked untidily in his straight black trousers made him look very lean. He wore odd expression over his face. I thought he was apprehensive.  I looked at him, our eyes met, I motioned him to get in unsure about how to greet him. He was supposed to be Ankit's DOG !

He followed me to our room. Once inside his face lit up. Unsure about how to react, he took of his shoes. When he stood up, his dick was making tent in his trousers.  

'What did I tell you dog ?' Ankit said in a cold voice. I have heard him in various moods. This was novel for me. 'I told you, you will never stand in front of me'. I looked at Ankit. He was still sleeping on bed. His head was resting on palm of his hand propelled by his elbow. There was a strange emotion in his eyes.

'sorry sir' his dog said in a small scared voice. I looked behind to find him kneeling on floor. His dick was now making a relatively larger tent. He must not be wearing any underpants I thought.

'Come here'  Ankit ordered.

Dog walked on his knees towards the bed. I thought about the absurdity of what was happening and went to my side of bed and opened my laptop.

I checked our return flight tickets. I could hear dog getting slapped. Apparently he was not allowed to be on his feet in front of his master. I thought he would really hurt his knees by end of our trip. I checked the booking of our hotel room once again. It was because something was clouding my brain. From the corner of my eyes I could see the dog licking Ankit's feet.

'Do you want to get your feet licked Rishu?' Ankit asked

'Oh...hmm. No. Its ok. you continue' I replied.

'Go and lick my friends feet dog' Ankit commanded.

The dog obliged.  He crawled towards my legs and started licking them. Imagine a guy licking my feet. His cold wet tongue cleaned my soles. He licked toes.  Once he was done licking both my feet Ankit called him over. Ankit started playing with his dogs face. Cuping his face in arms, pulling his ear, slapping his cheeks and pinching his nose. I informed Ankit that I wanted to explore Mumbai.

'Hmm, yea. Thatz better I suppose. Gives me some personal time with my dog' Ankit Replied.

I changed my clothes. Ankit was now viewing the items his dog had bought.  I looked at the item dog had arranged on the table. There was a pair of black Jockey boxer brief, a pair of blue Levis bikini brief with white waistband, a bundle of rope, a box of paper clips, and a blue collar with leash. I was relieved I was leaving.

'Do you want my dog to help you put your shoes on?' Ankit asked me.

'It's ok, I'm fine by myself.' I informed him.

While I wore my shoes, dog was being slapped. Apparently he had missed a few item of the list. He was getting punished for that. I left the pair of them, Ankit, the master on bed, slapping his dog, who still was wearing the formals, kneeling on floor, hands at back, and taking the slapping.

'Have fun.' I said before closing the door behind me.

'you too !' Ankit shouted back.

Chapter 2

Iwhh Bwrt : Part 2

Naked Truth

I waited there too stunned to react, I wanted to ask him if he knew what he was asking, but neither I had the energy to speak nor was it possible to speak through the underwear, I was so dazzled that it did not occurred to me for a moment that I could remove the underwear from my mouth. It was in this trans that, irrespective of the fact that I was outside some house, I removed my cloths without bothering to check if someone was there behind me, watching me embrace nudity. Once nude, inside the door, my clothes outside stuffed in a garbage bin (which already had some crap in it), Abhiraj ordered me to close the door. 

He was seated on a single comfy sofa chair, watching football on a giant LCD TV. He glanced at me before raising the volume of TV.

'Take off my shoes and socks'

I obliged.

'udhar rakh de' he pointed towards the shoe stand. 

I obliged again.

'on your four' He said. I got down on my hands. 

'Crawl' I crawled towards him. he laughed as he caught my hair. 'Intelligent doggy' He chuckled. 

'Aaj liverpool ki match hai, you want to watch'

'hmmm' 

'Sad, I'm not in mood to let you watch.' He pushed my head down and rested his legs on my back and then just as a casual addition he instructed, 'Stay still, dont make me kick you.'

I knew I had not moved for half an hour when the commentator announced that, only fifteen minutes in the half remain. The game as tied 2-2, I desperately wanted to see, but I was not going to risk peeping, He was playing a game with me, I was just playing along. The doorbell rang. I panicked, he casually removed his feet's from my back, I got up. He kicked my dick and balls, I caught my midpoint agonizing in pain, bending with each throb at my crotch. He caught my hairs, this time pulling enough to cause pain. Pulling my ears near his mouth he said.

'Did I ask you to get up ? DID I?' 

I was scared for the first time, was he serious about the whole thing ? or was he just playfully pulling my leg ? or was this an elaborate setup to get me for being a fag ?

I was in no position to answer his rhetorical question, neither mentally nor physically. Releasing me he asked me to get the door. I do not even remember his words, I just knew that he wanted me to open the door nude. 

I went to door, tensed I was, apprehensive who was waiting outside, I tried to see through the eyehole. Before my eye could register the person on the other side, there for a slashing sound and micro-second later my back was burning, I fell down with excruciating pain. My shout muffled by the underwear gag. As my fingers probed the area, it hurt more. I was lying down, with my back towards the corner. I looked up, Abhiraj had belt in his hand, raised to strike again.

'Please don't' I tried to say, but the gag was too effective, underwear now wet with my spit. He slashed again, this time the tip catching my bare thighs. Tears fell from my eyes as the pain rose from now visible angry welt.

'Khol darwaja !' he said, his eyes showing menace, his left hand pointing towards the door, right hand raised to strike again.

I hastily opened the door. A guy was waiting outside, he was surprised to see me naked. Pushing him aside, I ran. I ran towards the stairs, trying to shout. There was a safety-door blocking the stairs. I tried to yank it open, it was locked. I ran towards the lift, the lift was back to ground floor. I look back, Abiraj was standing calmly, shoulder rested against the wall, watching me struggle. I looked at the lift calling button, then back to him, back to lift calling button; not sure what to do.

'you want me to make you come in ?' he asked as if asking if I wanted another biscuit over a cup of coffee. I walked back, I stayed as far as I could from him, rushing past him as the door came near. He did not touch me. I stood a distance from the door, The guest was seated on the diwan, his grey travel bag resting near his legs. Abhiraj entered after me, closing the door. There volume of the television boomed, apparently Liverpool had scored another goal. He looked at TV once, then pounced on me, I backed away but found wall blocking me. He caught my ear and twisted it. It hurt so much that I forgot the pain from the welts. He pulled me by the ear towards his chair. He sat with my ear still in his hand, twisting he asked me to sit. 

'sit on your ass and spread your legs' He said switching to other ear. The motivation he gave with the ear twist was enough for me to comply to his commands. He pulled the ear hard, slapping my cheek with the other hand. My hands were trying to rescue my ear so I felt his slap in full force.

'I could not see the goal because of your stupidity' He bellowed.

'sorry' I tried to say, as tears ran down my eyes. 

'your sorry is not going TO MAKE ME SEE THAT GOAL ..... AGAIN" he said the last words pressing my dick with his feets and pulling me by ear. 

Finally he let me go, I crashed to the floor. I caught his legs, begging him to leave me. He let me cry by his feet's. Finally i kissed his feet's. He patted my head, then pulled me close to his face by yanking me by my ears. I could look deep in his eyes, as he spoke 'I know you love me, don't make me hit you'

After that he brought water for me, made me drink water along with his spit. It was then that he informed me the guy who had arrived earlier was there to wax me of my hair, including the hair on my legs and hands too. 

Iwwh Bwrt : Part 1

Dinner  Date

Finally after a lot of pleading, just a two week before his marriage Abhiraj agreed to meet me for dinner. I dressed as good as I could went to Lucky restro. He was already there, seated at a table on the far corner. He was dressed casually, a faded grey t-shirt pulled over blue denims. He looked at me, motioning me to sit with a nod and a raised eye brow.

I smiled at him, more of blushing smile. Ignoring me, he called waiter and ordered soup for us.

He looked straight in my eyes and asked, 'Let's get this once for all'
'yep'  was my excited reply.
'Just to be clear before we start, let me summarize the situation. You are gay, in love with me for about 8years now and there is no way you are going to stop loving me.'
'True' I was bit startled, by his direct attitude.
'And I have assumed you would continue to want a relationship with me even when you know I'm getting married in a fortnight.'
'Hmm,'
'Is that a yes or no ?'
'kind of yes, I know what ....'
'shhhh'  He silenced me, putting a finger to his lips.

'You know i'm straight ?'
'yes'
'And still you were expecting some physical relation with me ?'
'I dont know that, I just love you, I like you'
'love or like ?'
'love,........, love LOVE love ! buy why are you asking all this ?'  

'I've been through several of your gay profiles, fb, orkut, PR and even manjam' and then his eyes twinkled as he spoke, 'I realized that you have you dont stop at being gay. You stoop even lower, you have BDSM interests.'

The color of my face faded. It was like a tight slap, I could feel the heat behind my ears. 

'Actully wo kya hai na, ki ....' I started explaining.
He put his hand out to make me stop.  waiter came with our soup. After he went, he said in a zestful tone.

'pi le chupchap, tujhe energy ki jarurat hai.'

I smiled shyly and started eating my soup. He called waiter  and ordered dinner.  I was thinking about various scenarios that would happen and what kind of reaction should I present to them. I did not even bother to listen what he ordered.  Once waiter departed, He cleared his throat.

' I've done some research on BDSM so dont bother giving me some incompetent explanations' Taking a sip of his soup he continued ' Since we both know that a normal relation is not going to happen between us and you are adamant about having one with me, ARE...YOU.... WILLING.... TO.... HAVE... A...BDSM... RELATION... WITH....ME ?' 

My throat had dried, I looked towards the mirror at the far end of hotel to find a panicked me staring back at me. I swallowed my saliva to sooth my throat, but to no avail.
I opened my mouth to speak something but no words came out. Sitting before me was love of my life, getting married in a few days and asking me to be in a BDSM relation with me. I was not even sure about what kind of BDSM was he referring to.  Was he as dom or master ? Did he know I'm a sub ? I was thinking about various aspects when finally he spoke.

'If you accept me to be your master, stay; else finish your soup and dont bother to even think about me, It would be end of everything between us.'

I was hard for me, I knew I could never forget him or take him out of my heart. But to be in a Master-slave relation with him was something I had never thought. I needed time to think.

'Think fast' He told. 'you dont have much time' He added.

Lets get into a temporary relation I thought, anyway how much of BDSM he must be knowing ? He appeared a vanilla person to me. Hero of  ShaRukh type romantic movies.  

'I'll stay' I said.

'mind you, Its not a one session relation. If you stay, you are submitting yourself for your life'  He said sharply. The tone was with so much power that it almost made me shiver, Goosebumps appearing all over my body.  Waiter asked if he could serve the dinner.  Abhiraj asked him to do it after five minutes.

'If you are still here after the dinner is being brought I'll consider that you are ready for a lifelong slavery under me. Your body, mind and soul would be mine and there would be no going back.'

I remained silent. Waiter brought dinner,  he had a questioning look when he look at Abhi.
'kya kar raha hai tu ?' Abhi asked me.
'I'll stay' I replied, barely audible.

'just put the stuff on table, we'll serve ourselves' he said to waiter.
'sir, you require another plate ?'
'he's not eating ' He replied with a smile. ( try imagining the smile of Michel Scofield from prison break when he leaves Dr. Trancadi's office.)

Once the waiter went away, I could see a gleam in his eyes. He made himself comfortable in chair, shoulders touching the  shoulder rest. With a satisfaction on his face, he said ' what are you waiting for ? serve'

I was brought back from my trance, It was a bitter sweet moment, bitter because a good friend of mine actually wanted all this from me and sweet because my subconscious mind was mocking at lameness of his command. A task as simple as serving food, sitting opposite in a restaurant was in no was going to humiliate me. nevertheless, I obliged.

Once the dinner was served, he started eating. A few morsel later, he beckoned the waiter and ordered wine. Then looking at me, he blurted 'dont keep staring at me. eak kam kar, bathroom mai ja, apni underwear nikal ke aa'

The subconscious mind laughed again, lets be game, it said. I went to bathroom, found empty stall, removed my designer levis underwear with a map of  London Metro over it and went back to the table. He was enjoying his wine. There was no glass for me. He looked at me as I approached the table, with a slight node of head to imply me nude under my jeans, I sat across him.

Taking a sip he observed, 'still there is some doubt in your mind as to where this is going.' Another sip
'let's make it a bit more clear'
Another sip
'my shoes are dirty, clean them with your underwear'   

This WAS something, he table was in corner granted, the table cloth was covering a lot of visible area, The position where he was sitting, he could view anyone approaching,  BUT this was a task.
My subconscious mind still disagreed, it rooted to fact that though someone could see me, It was highly unlikely that they would know me.
'Hmmmm, kya hua ?'
This was enough to urge me to get under table and start rubbing his blue rebook sports shoes, covered with dust enough to make my white underwear go brown. I kept togging between his left and right. I did it for a few minutes when he kicked me, I took it as an indication to stop and get up.
Back on the seat the waiter approached once more to enquire if he wanted something else, he dismissed him to bring a finger bowl.  He removed fork and spoon from his plate, pushed it towards me before saying 'finish it !'

I've eaten with him in same plate many a times. So, this was not a humiliating task as it appears. I was busy finishing the leftover when the waiter arrived with his finger bowl.
'  Sir, you require another finger bowl ?'  The waiter asked me.
'No, that wont be necessary'  I did not look up to embarrassed to meet the waiters gaze.

'hogya kya tera ?' He asked. His voice suddenly more sinister, deep maybe rough.
I gave a feeble node.
'yeh  peele' He said, pushing the finger bowl towards me. I gave a quick glance across to check if anyone was watching, then without thinking for a second I drank from his finger bowl. Hot lemon juice without sugar with debris of chicken masala floating in it. The taste whatever was marred by the  temperature of liquid.

Waiter came with bill and was courteous enough to not ask about the missing water from finger bowl. As we left the hotel, he handed me the key to his car.
'le ke aa'
I looked at him confused, for he knew that I could not drive. Thatz stupid, I thought. Nevertheless for the sake of the scene we were playing I thought to be a sport and Informed him. 'I can't drive'  

Out of nowhere, with even the Nostradamus failing to predict, his right hand came crashing in my face. 'Smack'. My glasses flew from my face to the road, a clear outline of his fingers on my cheeks.  Few people stopped to watch what was happening, I picked my glasses and started walking towards his car.
'don't expect me to drive you stupid ass around every time' He sounded genuinely angry.
Maybe this was the height of his dominance and was on high with the pleasure I thought.  The keys were still in my hand, I slid in the passenger seat and opened the divers side door for him.  I was just looking for seatbelt that back of his left had crashed of my face. I was stunned.

'uttar bhoasdike, baithne bola kya maine?'
I got out as fast as I could. Once I was out I saw his head from the top of the car frame indicating me to get to the backside of car. He's going to make me walk back home I thought.  When I reached the rare, he opened the dickey of his SX4. I gave him a feeble 'no way' look, all I got back was a tongue lashing. 'Puch k baitha hota tho atleast neiche baithne deta, dont make me force you in.' I had already come so far, there was no point in going back this time. I got in the dickey, fortunately SX4 has a lot of space.  Before closing the hood, he made me put my underwear in my mouth.

I was engorged in my thoughts; they varied from the time I met with Abhi to other crushes I had. I wondered about where I was going and was there any meaning to anything that happen.  I ignored all the whatsapp message I received. Rejected a couple of calls, surprised at the fact that I had no call from home.  After what appeared more than a quarter of hour the car halted. He let me out of the car to a unfamiliar surroundings.  I was not sure what part of Mumbai we were in.
Without a word he started to walk towards the entrance to building, I followed him. The watchman saluted him as we entered. He indicated me to call the lift, I did. Once Inside the lift, he said 7th floor. I pressed the button.

'you come by stairs; servants are not allowed in lift.'

By the time I reached seventh floor, I was breathing heavily. I found him waiting by the door of 707. When I reached he tossed me the key. I opened the doors for him. This time around I waited for him to enter. He went in and sat by the sofa. A smiled flash across his face, the sweet smile that made me crazy about him.
'My slave standing by the door, waiting for me to order him in' He mocked. 'you really want to do this ?'
'yes' I replied, my sound muffled by the underwear in the mouth.

'The time you enter the room, you leave all your wishes, choices and relations outside.' He spade.
I moved my head to show I understood. 'That would include your wallet, mobile phone and ...... even your clothes'

He took a long pause, as if waiting for the message to sip in. Then he continued, 'So just remove your clothes, and dump then in the bucket I have kept there by the door.' I continued to stare at him.

Tigers Engagement: My reaction

"Agar kisi cheez ko puri shiddat se chaho,,,toh puri kayanaat usse aapse milvane par majboor ho jaati"
-Om Shanti Om

 “When you really want something to happen, the whole world conspires to help you achieve it.”
― Paulo Cohelo

I disagree

My mobile buzzed. 1 new conversation was the message beside the whatsapp logo.

Scotty: going for Trek on 29th
Me: where
Scotty: lolz, you really think I'll be somewhere other than beside Tiger on 29th ?
Me: ok

30 June, Control Lab

'Coffee ?'

Girish (Nagre) eased his hands over my chest, resting his elbows over my shoulder, trying to look what I was doing.

As my luck would have it again, the newly installed blue stack Android emulator agent popped a message on the right bottom corner of my laptop screen.

I flapped downed my lappy, in an attempt to stop Girish from reading the notification.

I took his fore arms in my hand pulled him close, his chin now resting on my shoulder.

'you guys, move your ass !' Prem called from somewhere in corridor.

I got up, picked my hat and empty water bottle and locked the lab.

'who's scotty ?'
I was taken aback from this sudden enquire from Girish.

'A friend from degree college' I replied donning the hat. The harsh rays of sun hit the exposed part of body. I had taken to wear full sleeved white kurta over my cotton jeans and a hat to beat the heat. The 'tea house' or better 'chai tapri' was a few minutes' walk from our department.

'Scotty??' Girish had covered his face with white 'pancha'  and his voice was muffled by it.

'I have saved his name by name of his favorite character from Euro Trip.' a smile sprouted on my face thinking about the topic on which the discussion was going. In a couple of days we had our defense scheduled, a week after that a national conference. My dissertation report was still pending approval by my guides, presentation was incomplete and  being the chief coordinator of conference I had many petty jobs to do. Before my train of thoughts moved towards philosophy, Girish started singing.

'Scotty doesn't know, Scotty doesn't know,
Ruchit did not read his message'

'I'll read them latter' I defended myself.  'its coffee that I require now'

The discussion as mama's Tea stall was usual, seminar, conference and why were our guides a wrong choice for us. It only reflected the surface tension that existed on the periphery of our minds. The real core of pressure which was hindering our happiness was the apprehension of what lies ahead after the completion of our Masters.

I was silent on our return journey from tea stall. I kept pondering about the lack of finishing my dissertation had. I had result enough to have a PhD pre-submission approved but lacked documentation. Making a mental note about how to improve on my current management system I entered the department. My lab was shared by half a dozen researchers and hence when I found lab vacant, I opened the messages sent to me by Scotty. 

A pervert sms, a abuse or some raunchy picture would have not affected me, but simple picture of Tiger getting engaged shattered my heart.  All along I just had kept repeating to myself, Scotty and Susie are trying to take Mickey out of me. I never knew why I felt hurt, but I felt pain. A subtle ache in head, followed by a dry throat and ultimately excruciating pain at heart. I felt like someone squeezed my heart brutally. The acute head ache and possible things that could have happen clouded my brain. All was forgotten, masters, dissertation, job. All that was left was void, a big void in my heart, a big void in my mind, a big void in my thoughts, a big void in my life.

I paced around the college, making excuses to my heart, trying to console myself that what had happen was not true, I kept looking at the picture again and again, they looked perfect, and then Scotty was never that good with Photoshop. Unable to control my emotions, I called 'Spruha'.

'Haiyya'
'wanna suck ?'  He was a bit direct
'you have place ??'
'place is never a problem baby'

'when??'
'I'll pick you from ur college, say at 7'

It was not exactly dark at seven, you could recognize people you know from their stialoutie. I was waiting at the college gate , slightly farther than the reach of CCTV camera that monitored the entrance. Not that I was doing something illegal, but I think somewhere deep down the subconscious was eating me for being, (pardon my language !) a slut.

I had met Spruha before, we went to see 'ye jawani hai diwani' together (it was another bizarre experience, remind me to write about it). I saw him coming on his Pulsar, physically he was not that hunk (you usually associate with Pulsar) and mentally you could call him a kid, but sometimes in conversation you could see the street smart mean tendencies in him. I admired his courage for having a nude picture of him with a hand covering his gentiles and other covering his face as his PR display pic.

I got on his bike, and off we went. I was surprised at the direction we went coz we were moving away from city.

'You have farm house kya ?'

we were moving at a good speed and suddenly he braked. Inertia took my body forward; my chest banged on his back. I managed to save my face by letting my chin slide over his shoulders. He did not stop his bike but increased the speed, I put my hand around him in an attempt to not fall off the bike.

'Ab kaisa chipak ke baitha hai !' his tone was hoarse, there was a slight hint of a triumph in his voice. I did not move away. I was cuddling him, my head resting on back of his shoulders, wind blowing my hair, my eyes were staring at the darkness in the surrounding, mind was wondering about the future, heart was aching for the past.  ,

'aabe haath kya kapado k upar he rakhega kya ?' He hissed.

I reluctantly moved my hands beneath his sweatshirt, under his T-shirt, my fingers felt the warm flesh of his abs. I moved my hand, creasing his torso, feeling his nipples between my fingers, probing his belly button. Sometimes when my hand lowered, my palm would brush his dick, that would make him release a moan, his dick would throb at the slightest touch.

Judging by the time we were on his bike, at his seeped I guessed  we had covered around 10-12 kms when he turned his bike into a narrow dusty road. A few minutes in dark surrounding, the only Illumination being provided by his bike light he stopped. My hands were still on his chest, he gently got hold of them and removed them from the heat of his body. It was then I realized, how cold the night was. I got off the bike, confused by the sudden stop. Roadside answer to natures call is always prevalent in India. He might have stopped to take a piss, I thought.

He whistled to attract my attention. He had parked the bike and was looking at me intently; Hands folded across his chest; his ass resting on the inclined bike seat.

I looked at him quizzically. And then it struck me.

'HERE ??'
'why? what's the problem?'
'Are you out of your mind? In open ?'
'You know what ....'  He walked over to me, grabbed me by scruff of my neck. Our eyes met, his eyes were jet black, full of lust or some emotion I was not able to identify. He pulled me close and planted a kiss on my lips.

He reached and removed my Kurta, the cool breeze and this dramatic experience gave me goose bumps. He went back to rest his ass on bike. He had an LED torch in his pocket which he flashed on me.

'come on strip'

the frown on my face clearly showed my displeasure for the spot.

'come on babes, its just us for miles '   He said licking his lips and giving a wink.

I removed my shoes and stepped out of my jeans.

'designer underwear ?' He raised his left eyebrow, his lips curled into a lusty grin.

I blushed .

He walked towards me and took my waist in his hand, and looked in my eyes.

'Breathe'  he said. I realized I was holding air.

As I exhaled. As he sucked at the base of my neck.

'Aahe'

He went back to his bike; pulled a box of cigarettes; lighted one and kept the remaining at the head of the bike.

'so, whats the use of wearing fancy underwear when no one can see them ?'
'I donnno, I just like them'

'lets flaunt them'
'what do you mean ?'

'lets walk'

'you are crazy, weda zhalayas ka tu? '
'you are a chicken' .... 'thatz what you are'
'NO .... ' I shouted

He threw his cigarette, walked up to me and then looking at my face and playing with waist band of my underwear said 'what are you afraid of? just chill, when you are with me I take care of you and all you do is relax'
his palms casually went past my waist band and with squeeze on both my ass cheeks and a small kiss on my forehead he concluded
'shoes ghal, kapde ithech rahu de'

After I had my shoes back on, we were  walking away from road, towards a hillock I assumed.
He had his hands by my waist as he led me into darkness.  We were walking into darkness, I was holding his small flashlight to show us the path. He continued to explore my nearly naked body with his hand around my waist traveling up and down my torso. He was smoking with his spare hand.
'why you dont like anal'
I just gave him a look.
'I'm not asking you for your ass or anything, just asking'

' dont know , afraid of pain'

'ohh, I have a virgin ?' he said kissing my cheeks.

'come on babes, i'd be gentle'
He said before giving a gentle pinch on my nipple.

'liked that?' He asked

'hmmm'

'want to have an adventure ?' He ask biting my ear lobes.

'Nope' ....'actually its getting a bit late'

'so ?'

'aare ... I mean'  I was hesitant. 'I have to get dinner before mess closes.'

'dont worry about the food, we'll dine in hotel'

'I have exam, need to prepare'  

'look baby, If you want something, you have to ask for it.'  He said catching his crotch.

I went to unbuckle his belt. He caught my hand and with a sweet smile said, 'ASK !'.

'May I give you blow job ?' I gave in to his desire, a bit irritated.

'nah, thatz a bit sophisticated for someone standing in his undies in open field'

I was about to say, lets just go back when I heard sound of bike coming our way.

I got tensed.

I saw him flashing his light allover to find cover. 'There' he said pointing with his light, ' get behind that tree.'
I ran, afraid to be found by some local and then to be thrashed.

I saw bike approach from its head light. The bike stopped near Spruh. I could hear them exchange words. What they were talking was yet unclear.
Another bike followed. I sank low, with my back near tree, praying for bike to go away and also for snakes and insects to not bite me.

I waited and waited for eternity, I still dont know how I manage to not wet my pants. I heard a bike pass by. Finally Spruh called.
'Its ok come out'

when I reached near him I realized one bike was still there.

'Its ok, they are my friends, came here with their girlfriends.' He called aloud.

Fear struck me again; my throat dried, I was in my undies, about to parade in front of whoever it was on that bike.

And as i was about to turn back and get behind the tree, Bike started and head lights illuminated me. I stopped dead in my track. Tried covering my exposed nipples with my palm. Someone wolf whistled.

'come fast' Spruh groaned.

I jogged along to find him seated backwards behind his friend. I hesitated for a moment.

'just sit normally, with legs over my legs, you would be ok'

'cant we just go back? my clothes are near your bike'

'dont be a bitch, just sit, we'll be back in an hour' and as an afterthought he mumbled 'they have food enough for all of us'

As the bike started, I wondered if the position I was in erotic or humiliating.  He did not let me ponder over the subject as he took my head in his hand and started kissing.

I could feel his dick getting hard, from nibbling my ear lobes he had graduated to biting my neck. His hands violently probed my naked back. sometimes just massaging nape of my neck, sometimes tugging my hair.

We reached the place, and true to my assumption we were at base of a hill. It looked like regular camping area. A small fire was started and two girls were sitting around it. I was so ashamed of myself that I dare not looked in their eyes.

'kya sharmata hai tera gandu' someone said. Must have been his third friend. 

The three of them went to sit on the rock a few feet away.

'chaddi badi sexy hai' I looked at the my teaser. He had taken off his shirt and now was preached on rock  showing his gym body in his cargo three-fourth.

'Rcuchi'  Spruh indicated with his finger for me to come near him.

When I went near him, He introduced me to his friends. I learned through a series of abusive and foul words that the half-naked guy was Avdhut and the other who was making the drinks Viraj. The girls accompanying them were engineering college girls who were trying to make some extra money.

His friends were not handsome but then why would handsome guys pay to get laid I thought. I was thinking about my position in the group, worried that his friends and girls would take me to be a prostitute (I know technically correct term would be gigolo, but prostitute sound a better translation of randi).

My worries were cut short when Spruh offered me a drink, 'wanna sip?'
'ok' I said.

He took a big sip and kissed the contents of his mouth into mine; surprised by his act I was unable to gulp down and a lot of liquor dribbled from corner of his mouth onto his neck and over his chest.  He unzipped his sweatshirt, removed his T-shirt.

I was amazed to find his upper torso smooth, His naked picture on the PR profile showed some hair and a little less defined chest muscles.

His chest glittered in the light by fire. The path traced by vodka onto his chest shining as the wind flicked the fire.

I knew what was going to happen, and my fear came true.

'will you please lick the vodka of my chest ?'

I knew there was no point in arguing. I licked the vodka, his chest too smelled of dried sweat, it was bland on my tongue.

As I licked, more vodka dribbled across his chest, onto his belly over his jeans. I looked up, found him pouring the drink. He pushed me gently towards his belly. As I slurped the drink, I heard sex play going around me. Apparently the girls had unpacked the dinner and now wear doing what they were getting paid for.

I thought, lets just suck him off and leave. I went to unbutton his jeans.

smack.

'I told you have to ask before you get it'

'can I suck your dick'

'English rand hay be teri tho' Viraj commented.

smack

'ab hindi bhi bolegi' Spruh laughed along with other.

'muh mai lu kya ?'

'muh mai chahiye, kuttiya jara nach k dikha'

' I dont know how to dance'

'viraj, jara aapna belt de'

'i'll try to dance' I said looking at Viraj who not only removed his belt but his trousers too.

Whack..

The belt hit my calf, The sting made me jump. I started an awkward dance.  

Viraj now was brandishing the belt as I attempted to move my body. Avdhut was oblivious of all this busy fucking his girl on a mat.

Laughing Viraj returned to his girl now completely naked.

Spruh took piece of meat from his plate and threw it on the ground. 

'Eat'

I bend down to pick it when the belt caught my ass.

ssphat.

'muh se, kuttiya haat nahi lagati'

I went on my all four, Spruh circling me like a predator.  I caught the piece with my teeth and tried pushing it my lips. I coughed as soil triggered a gagging reflex.
I hear them laugh. Even the girls were laughing, Maybe they enjoyed my humiliation or maybe they just were doing it to please their clients. 
Tears ran down my eyes. God please let this be a dream, I prayed. Spruh put his belt around my neck. There were no holes for the size of my neck. He simply kept the free end of belt in his hand as leash. 

He pulled me further towards the hill. He walked ( and I crawled beside him) for a few minutes. When we were a good distance from the site he stopped.

'gand marwane ka kitna lega ?'

'Please .... Please dont ' I pleaded. Just to make him realize my position I caught his legs. 'please'

'hazar rupaye dunga'

'Pl...eeas...e ' I sobbed.

'Do hazar le le, saat mai second round mai tu bhi eak ladki ko chod lena'

'please maat'

'madar chod, lauday .... ijjat se bol raha hu tho gand mai masti chud rahi hai kya ?' He sound drunk and angry 'chul bol kitne lega'

'mai prostitute nahi hu' I cried. Tears dropped from my eyes. I was thinking about how to convince him to let me go when there was a slashing sound and something stung my back.

I looked up to find him two belts in hand; one acting as my leash and other which he just used to assault me.

'Kutte tu randi hai' He said flogging me with belt 'Randi .. Randi ... Randi'

He stopped, yanked my leash to make me look up. Our eyes met; I saw the determination in them, something above lust, something darker, something that was going to kill my innocence.

'kya hai tu ?' He asked, His hand moving above his head, ready to strike in case I gave some unpleasing answer.

All my pride, all my esteem, all my  dignity had crumbled before the pain of being flogged. All I thought was all this to get over soon. 

With a lot of efforts I answered . 'Randi'

He laughed hysterically,  'izzat se khud hoke dega, lube lagaunga , tujhe bhi maja aayega. Harampanti ki to nanga chodke jaunga yaha pe, yaad rukh'

I said nothing. I had silently accepted my position and I felt like my soul had left me.

I crawled behind him to camp site, The other two guys were in full fledge act of copulation, it was like a competition between then to make more sound or thump faster.  

Spruh made me stand upright and removed belt from my neck; made me cover my face and took a pic. Any disapproval of his act by me or rebellious words were flatten by a very hard lashing to my back. Then he made me remove the only clothing that was preserving the little dignity that I had. Once naked he made me cover my face and dick with hands and took a picture, a similar kind of picture I had seen on his PR account. I cursed myself for assuming that to be his pic and trusting him.

He smoked something, dirtier than cigarette, I thought It was weed. I was in my dog position when he lubed me, fingered and probed my asshole for loosening it and then started ramming his dick. The pain was excruciating,  felt like something tore there. Tears rand down my cheeks, saliva from my mouth flowed past my lips giving a wet sensation on my neck as It made its path towards my chest. My vision blurred and I could hear someone shouting my name  from a distance. Someone familiar, a voice that I was trying to recognize. A few moments later I was able to fit it, Girish was there. But how? I felt confused. I could feel some one shake me to wake me up, probably Garish. Petrified as I was, I tried to open my eyes, The wet sensation over my neck and chest was still there.  The light blinded my eyes, It took me more than a second to realise that I was in control lab.

'Whats the use of coffee, if you sleep after drinking it ?' Prem questioned my dedication to work.
'chalo, lets have something to eat. M hungry' Girish said. As I wiped the saliva from my face and body.

'yea' I said, my stomach was rumbling. There were seven miscalls from Spruh on my cell. I sighed at them and was relieved to see a message that said 'Sorry, nt possible 2day. mayB sometime else. Tc. '

'bad dream ?' Girish Enquire.

'yep, very very bad dream' I said, cleaning the pool of saliva from my table. 'very Bad'